A Hardcore Lover

I can say that I'm a hardcore lover. When I love someone or something, I tend to do something crazy. Love in here does not only meant for your significant other but for something else too like love for parents, people, friends, organization.... etc.

❤ I went to a distant island to see my crush when I was 18. My biggest goal was, of course, only to see him. The all-time quote "I will go to the other part of the world only for you..." is actually something I will do.

❤ I stayed in a room only to make sure that he's okay when a teacher made fun of him and embarrassed him in front of many students. I stayed only to make sure he's okay, and to make sure he's not alone, although I had to stay for hours...

❤ I bought a lot of cakes only to make sure that he would have a wonderful, precious birthday. 

❤ I almost broke my feet when my dad got a severe stomachache and seemed dying. I was so afraid that I ran out of my room to find a doctor in the middle of the night, and ended up fell on the stairs and broke my feet. The fear of losing my father scared the hell of me to the point that I would sacrifice anything just to save him.

❤ I spent hours in a place where I feel I belong, although I know sometimes I spent too much time in it, time flies as if I only spent an hour. Maybe because my happiness is in that place that I don't feel like wasting any of my time.

I sometimes overdo it, I feel the need to express love by doing something real because I couldn't say love so easily. Heck! I can never say that magic word, but my body automatically does something to express it, sometimes it feels like I couldn't control it. I don't know why or how? Anyone could show me the way to control feelings? I'm afraid with my own overflowing emotion, drives me crazy sometimes to the point that I can almost hurt myself. My friend said... put only 50% of your feeling to someone you like so you won't get hurt too much... but hey, do I have the strength to control it? No matter what my brain said, my heart just doesn't follow the order. It has its own will and I have no power to control it. The only thing I can do is only trying to make myself as busy as possible to make me forget it little by little. But, magically, when I'm back with myself all alone again... BAM! Those feelings are coming back to me as if they never leave.

I Found Me!

So, have you ever try to google yourself? Today, I actually did it for the first time, and guess what I found: I found some embarrassing blogs that I made before this one.. the trace of my 'alay' moments.. lol. Oh well, everyone has those days. Tapi selain itu, gue juga menemukan resensi novel Saat Aku Mengingat Tuhan yang gue tulis sekitar 4 tahun lalu untuk lomba mewakili sekolah. Gue nggak nyangka ternyata ada yang baca novel aneh itu, hahaha...

Resensi I:
http://ramadhany26.blogspot.com/2012/09/resensi-novel-saat-aku-mengingat-tuhan.html

Resensi II:
http://saung-opini.blogspot.com/2012/09/resensi-novel-saat-aku-mengingat-tuhan.html

Resensi III:
http://www-whil.blogspot.com/2011/12/contoh-resensi.html

It was kinda shocking to find my name in someone else's blog who refers to me as a writer/author of a real book, hehe. It's a good feeling actually, I never really think that someone would read my writing. Although those things aren't really a big deal, they are for me. They remind me of my dream, they remind me of how much I love writing and they made me feel like I actually have started something and I should continue doing it. I'm still writing until now, but I haven't try to write a novel again ever since. I guess it's time to start over, since the lowest point of life is actually the moments when you have a lot in mind, lol. The best way to release stress is put it in writing. Wish me luck! 

Quote

“You said, ‘I love you.’ Why is it that the most unoriginal thing we can say to one another is still the thing we long to hear? ‘I love you’ is always a quotation. You did not say it first and neither did I, yet when you say it and when I say it we speak like savages who have found three words and worship them. I did worship them but now I am alone on a rock hewn out of my own body.”

—

Written on the Body - Jeanette Winterson

Unspoken Words and A New Home

I just realized I was being selfish by saying "Don't disappear again...". What if the best thing for you is by staying away from me? It means if I'm forcing you to stay, I'd hurt you even more. I had so many things to say to you but what's came out was "Aaa... Eee... Hahaha..." It wasn't right. My introvert side actually won again. And yet I don't think we'd have the chance to talk again because I don't want to bring up this topic and make the situation awkward again.

Anyway, I have a new place to pour my heart out now. Well, not really a new place, I've been using it for years but I just started to write something very personal in it these past few days. Because apparently, I need it to make me feel relieved. It's not like I would stop writing in this blog; this will always be my favorite place to write my precious memories, write a poem that reflected what's in my heart, or just some silly opinions, but I need a place to pour my problems in the most honest way so it would decrease the number of my blue/complain tweets too lol.

The Best Thing I've Ever Had

It started without words
And it ended without words too
No promise had ever been made
No confession had ever been stated

I don't know what to call this thing
Was there ever really a thing?
Was it really ever started?
Or was it happened only in my mind?

Did I put my hopes too high?
When there was actually no hope
I couldn't tell the difference
'Cause it felt so real

Maybe I was just imagining things
And was drowned in it too deep
But even if it wasn't real
You were the best thing I've ever had

It would take months, maybe years
To wipe off the tears and heal the wound
To fix the damage that I created myself
It was worth it because it's you

Because you were the best thing I've ever had

Bliss

Who said that having a hectic life would make you miserable? In my case, having a busy life is a gift, although sometimes I miss my solitude time, but having people around you is actually not that bad. Hmm... does the introvert girl start to change to be a bit extrovert? Yeah, maybe. Everyone has two sides, right, it's our choices which side we would like to show and enjoy. While I'm still an introvert, I learned to be a bit more social and open to people, at least to those who have been such great friends for us. We only have one life to live in this blissful world, why don't we enjoy it to the fullest and make the best out of it? The journey is long but the view is great!

 

Life is like a movie, but the story is much better because God wrote it Himself. We as the actors have to play it brilliantly. 

Brain VS Heart

She's a secret admirer
She is a best friend
She loves in silence
She pays attention to the little things he does
She makes sure he is fine every day
She keeps her eyes on him without him noticing

She questions herself every day
When to give up?
How to give up?
She told herself again and again
It's time to give up

So, she decides to give up
But it's not as easy as what her brain told her to
As her heart keeps screaming out his name

Brain
"Oh, it's just a matter of time,"

But as time goes by
The feeling still has not left her yet

Brain
It's pointless, just give up
He doesn't even care...

Heart
Don't give up just yet...
Love is not about being returned.
It's about sincerity...
You don't have to stop loving him

Brain:
Screw that! Sincerity?
Is sincerity mean hurting yourself?
It's just an excuse that your heart makes
If love doesn't get returned, find another one
Who will treat you better, not bitter

Heart
Oh, shut up brain. You only think about the logic
Love is not about finding a perfect person
It's about embracing the imperfection

Brain
He doesn't care. That reason alone is enough
You've gotta move on with your life

Heart
Have you really ask him how he really feels?

Brain
His action speaks louder than words
You're too naive and put your hopes up in the sky
What has he done that makes you so sure?
I answer that: nothing

Heart
We should never judge if he never really says anything about it

Brain
That's why we judged because he never does anything
Have you lost your mind and can't tell it?
Oh, I forgot. You're a heart
You don't think, you only feel what you want to feel

Heart
Ugh! It's pointless to debate with a stubborn like you
But no matter how many times you tried to put the logic above everything
As long as the heart still believes
Nothing is going to change about her feeling

And the girl finally decided to sleep and shut her brain and heart down for a while.