Hidup tanpa Handphone

It's been more than two weeks since my cellphone broke and I'm too broke to fix it. Oh well...

Awalnya, hidup tanpa Handphone terasa menyebalkan. Nggak bisa buka Instagram dan menghabiskan waktu berharga hanya untuk scrolling feed. Nggak bisa buka Twitter dan melihat update terbaru dari artis-artis Jepang favorit. Nggak bisa buka YouTube di tengah malam unuk nonton reaction video Attack on Titan terbaru (lagi obsessed banget nonton orang-orang shock jiwa pas nonton episode pertamanya wkwk), nggak punya pengalih perhatian saat harus menunggu di tempat umum, nggak bisa menghubungi teman-teman atau keluarga saat ada keperluan yang darurat... Selama tiga hari hidup terasa sangat menyebalkan dan hampa.

Iya... hanya tiga hari. 

Hanya tiga hari waktu yang gue butuhkan untuk terbiasa. Ketika akhirnya Handphone gue udah bener lagi dan bisa buka berbagai sosmed itu, gue malah bingung. Apa yang menarik disini? Apa yang ingin gue lihat? Gue nggak lagi menemukan kesenangan yang berlebih dalam menggunakan Handphone. Satu-satunya yang gue sesalkan adalah nggak bisa membuka WhatsApp karena disitulah gue paling sering berkomunikasi sama teman-teman gue, atau paling enggak menonton mereka dalam diam saling berkomunikasi satu sama lain di grup WhatsApp 😁

Meski nggak lagi bisa melihat berita terbaru dari teman-teman sepanjang waktu, gue merasa lebih mampu menjalani hidup dengan nyata, merasa lebih seperti manusia. Gue nonton konser Sheila on 7 dengan penuh semangat, nggak kecewa karena nggak harus mengabadikan moment yang bagus, nggak ada keinginan untuk memotret bapak-bapak Yogyakarta itu demi dapat membaginya di social media, yang ada hanya ingin bernyanyi dan berteriak-teriak sepanjang lagu, menikmati waktu.

Tentu saja gue masih sangat memerlukan Handphone untuk bekerja dan berkomunikasi, tapi gue merasa hidup sedikit lebih nyata ketika gue nggak harus terpaku pada apa yang ada di layar handphone. Hal yang sekarang sepertinya sudah mendarah daging di kehidupan kita. Gue bersyukur tidak lagi menjadi bagian dari barisan orang di kereta yang semuanya menatap handphone seperti zombie. Gue mengganti kebiasaan main handphone itu dengan menekuni hobi membaca yang sempat gue lupakan dan menghargai waktu bersama orang-orang terdekat ketika aku akhirnya bertemu mereka.

Kebahagiaan

Hidup yang seperti ini mungkin tidak apa-apa juga

Tak perlu pengakuan siapa-siapa

Bisa makan, bisa minum, bisa tertawa lepas

Memilih untuk menjadi apa adanya

Kalau sedang malas, ya tidur saja 

Kalau sedang rajin, ya bereskan semua yang berantakan

Meski tak punya teman banyak

Asal kita perduli dengan sungguh-sungguh

Maka itu akan jadi harta yang berharga

Meski tak meraih cita-cita, paling tidak tak berhenti bermimpi

Jangan ada penyesalan

Hidup hanya sekali, maka teruslah maju

Kesalahan yang telah berlalu, perbaikilah

Jangan dijadikan rantai yang mengikat kita pada masa lalu

Cinta yang tak terbalaskan... Lepaskanlah

Dunia yang luas ini akan menawarkanmu yang baru

Dan seberat apapun kesakitan dan kesedihan

Simpanlah sendiri, jangan membebani orang lain

Di dalam hidup ini, kebahagiaan diraih bukan dari harta

Jika kita bisa meminta maaf dengan tulus setelah melakukan kesalahan

Itulah kebahagiaan

Jika kita bisa memaafkan setelah tersakiti

Itulah kebahagiaan

Jika kita bisa mementingkan kebahagiaan orang lain di atas kebahagiaan kita

Itulah kebahagiaan

Bukan tentang aku, tapi kamu

Bukan tentang kita, tapi mereka

Bukan tentang sendiri, tapi bersama

Jika kamu bahagia maka sebisa mungkin

Aku pun akan bahagia

2015 in review

Time flies...

Suddenly, 2015 ends in a blink of an eye. It felt so fast, for me at least, compared to last year. What are you doing in this new year's eve? I guess I've stopped celebrating the new year's eve. Last year, during the fireworks moments, I was sleeping on the plane and didn't really remember that it was the time when people in the whole world were celebrating the new year. Come to think of it, this year turned out to be so much better than I expected, not as amazing as 2013 which still remain as the best year of my life so far, but 2015 is somewhat.... a turning point for me. There are so many things that I could finally changed this year about myself whereas in 2014, I failed miserably and rather stuck in the most miserable point. Alhamdulillah...

1. Healed

I started 2015 with my heart overwhelmed with peace after I got back from my first umroh with my brothers. It's like my soul got re-charged into 250%. All of the things that hurt me in 2014, were healed after I went umroh. I just felt at peace for quite a while at that time, and definitely so much closer to Allah SWT although, I'm not yet perfect, but I want to be better. It's baby steps, insha Allah, but I'll get there. Amin.

2. PSM UIN Jakarta

On November 2014, I decided to take a break from PSM UIN Jakarta, although I was still in charge as cantora, I still wanted to quit the job and tried to do something so they will replace me. I stopped coming to PSM UIN Jakarta, for 2 months. I told them that I wanted to focus on my thesis, when the truth is, I just wanted to escape. The reason for that was because I lost confidence. It's not like I had a lot of it, I don't even have 50% of confidence, and then suddenly I lost it even more, to a zero point. 

I failed in so many tests in 2014, such as choir audition or school stuffs. I felt worthless. I felt that I didn't deserved to be in that place any longer. I didn't want to have anything to do with choir anymore. I thought. But in January, my friend, Azis, who was (and still is) a conductor of PSM UIN Jakarta, asked me to be Artistic on Duty for PSM UIN Jakarta anniversary. So, I forced myself to come back and do my job, and ended up, stuck in PSM again.... until now. I didn't regret it though. I know that I can never leave a place that I called home. It remains as one of my comfort zones and I know I should never run away from it.

3. Voice of Indonesia

I forgot when the audition was held, it was during January or February, but anyway, I decided to try again. I decided to test myself and see if I could change my weakness. Voice of Indonesia is so much different than most choirs. It's about your ability to sing solo, and your ability to perform and entertain people. It's a show choir. Something that I long desired, but didn't have enough confidence to have it.

So, I and my friend, Sabrin, decided to audition. I still remember the feeling that I got when I sing in front of Rio Silaen, the founder and coach of VOI. It was actually the first time that I didn't feel nervous, and I could sing with all my heart. I guess it has something to do with his piano skills too. He tried me with different keys, and he forced me to sing wholeheartedly. And I did. Maybe it's because of the song too. I offered him 3 songs, but he tried me in On My Own from Les Miserable song the most.

So, yeah... I passed the audition. It was such a wonderful moment and experiences, learning, singing, and performing with Voice of Indonesia. They are different than most choirs, and the people in it were just so nice. This place taught me about professionalism in performing, without losing the soul in the song we sing.

Unfortunately, I had to resign on September 2015 because of so many reasons. I don't know if I regretted it or not, but I will be forever thankful for being able to be a part of them, even only for short period. They give me back my confidence, and I'm thankful for it.

3. Album Garuda - PSM UIN Jakarta and Garuda Baseball

This is the last job that I had in PSM UIN Jakarta as Artistic on Duty. We worked on this album for about 2 months, I had to learn all the songs in it, find the singers, arrange the rehearsal, and stay in the recording studio with PSM. I worked with Tira to finish this album. It was tiring, we had to stay late outside every day. We spent most of our time at Kak Sattam's studio. Reading and learning new songs as fast as we can. I learned to manage my own emotion when working with many different people and different personalities. I'm glad that because of this job, I got to know Kak Sattam better and, working with Kak Kromong again is just one of the best things ever.

The end of this project (for me at least) was at the anniversary of Garuda Baseball & Softball at FX. We performed most of the songs in this album. It was great, watching so many children who are passionate in sports, and singing for them. It was also the last time I ever conducted in a performance I guess. My job in PSM ended in a way that I could never forget. It was not magnificent concert, and rather a simple and fun event, but it was memorable. It made me grateful to have PSM, and I'm grateful that 'til the last time, I can do a little thing for the organization that has given me so much.

4. Zaskia Sungkar Jakarta

Thanks to Adhya, now I worked at Zaskia Sungkar Jakarta boutique. Honestly, I never imagined myself, not even once, to work in a fashion company. It was never be my dream job at all... but who would have thought that it's not always dream that could make us happy? Sometimes, good environment and good people, could make it so much better than we thought it would be? This workplace is not heaven where there's no conflicts. Misunderstanding will always happen. but my bosses are one of the nicest people I ever met. My friends at work are nice and humble, even with such great talents, they remain down to earth. And when a workplace is filled with these kind of people, even if you're not working in your dream job, you will still be happy.

5. Friendship

I learned who or what  true friend is, and that true friend don't always refer each other as any kind of label. They just prove it. It's not about whom you spent most of your time with anymore. It's about the action rather than the person. Sometimes, we think of someone as our best friend, but we never knew if they think the same way about us. Like a one-sided love in friendship. And it happened to me.

Even after I learned the truth about everything, I will not forget that they have painted so many beautiful memories in my life.

True friendship, they are true when they changed you into a better person. They don't tell you promises or call you best friend all the time, but when you need them, they will be there for you.

Come to think of it, I never really spend the new year's eve alone before:

in 2015: I had my brothers and the whole Jamaah Surabaya with me on the plane, although we were asleep during the new year, lol

in 2014, I had Bayu, Adhya, Iqbal, Hafid, Syifa, and Nisa, we celebrated the new year at my house, although there was a feud between us but we through it all.

in 2013, I had Bayu, Adhya, Julian, Hafid, Gisti, Syifa, Mini, Nunena, Bhisma, Dandy, and Erni. We celebrated the new year at my house too.

In 2012, I had Kartika and Vina with me.

In 2011, I had my mabit friends and spent the rest of the night with Robby, Jihan, Bams, Kak Hen, kak Usman, Tari, Maya, Tyas, Bunda Dewi, dan Mia

We always celebrated the new year at my house because the fireworks are great in here. There are so many of them, so we don't have to go too far to witness great fireworks. There's a saying that you will spend the rest of the year with the people whom you've spent the new year's eve with. Tonight... I don't celebrate new year. I don't spend it with anyone. Does it mean I will spend the rest of 2016 by myself? 

We'll see~

Daily Routine Change

Assalamualaikum. Wr. Wb.

1. I choose to stay awake after Fajr instead of fulfill my desire to sleep. It makes me feel less tired and more healthy. It was so difficult for me to sleep early and wake up early, and maybe that's why I often felt tired.

2. I choose to focus on my prayer, no matter how busy I might be, I will try my best not to fasten it and try to perform the best prayer. I've been praying since I was a kid, but I'm feel like these past few days, I finally knew how it felt to be completely 'khusyuk' to the point that I could cry in my sujood. It makes me feel relieved.

3. I choose to start wearing skirts and bigger clothes to cover my body, no matter how people say that I look fatter in it. I may have not been able to wear a completely syar'i clothes, but I'm trying my best, slowly, to reach that point. Honestly, bigger clothes do make me feel safer and more modest, and I'm feel so comfortable because nobody stared at me anymore with 'flirty' look. You know, eventhough you wear a hijab, if you don't wear it right, some irresponsible people would still treat you with less respect.

4. I choose to start reading books again, and it felt great. It's sad that I stopped reading a book for almost a year now, I don't know why I do that. I used to love reading so much. And when I finally come back to this habit (and found a really good book to start over), I'm feel like a part of me is completed. It makes me thirsty of reading. And what I mean is reading a real book, not articles or short stories, or gossip from internet. When I finished a really good book, I'm feel like something inside of me has been accomplished. I don't exactly know what that is, but it makes me feel like I've just travel to a new distant beautiful place.

5. I choose to lessen my make up, unless for occasional events such as concert, weddings, and something that require performance. I want to accept who I am. I never feel like I'm pretty, to be honest. Until few days ago, I still hated my own look and that's partially one of the reasons of my shyness. Ever since I was kid, I got bullied a lot. Kids around primary school age at that time didn't want to be friend with someone who's never placed in class ranking, has a brown skin, curly hair, and don't know how to talk properly. It kinda affected me to the point that I believed that I'm not pretty enough to be accepted. But as I grow up and getting to know more people, I realized that outer appearance is not the most important thing to be accepted. A good heart and good manner is more important than that. I didn't say we all have to act elegantly or pretend to be nice to be accepted, but let's try our best not to hurt anyone with our words or action. And put on a smile more often, that's the best make up we could share for free.

6. I choose to express myself not only through my writing, but in my real life and behavior as well, and that's the hardest thing to do. I have a serious issue with shyness, it took me a whole year to remember my classmates name in college and even until now, I still don't think I know them really well. That's partially because I never expressed myself in front of them. Tho, I think that being silent, sitting beside the windows, and putting on a flat face is also my daily expression, I realized that I never really say what I really want to say to my friends. This is something I need to change. Confidence to be who I wanna be. Sometimes I used excuse that being silent and introvert is also a part of me, but I know that's not the real case. Sure, I probably won't change into a very talkative person so suddenly, but at the very least, I will try to speak what I need to speak and tell what I need to tell. Wish me luck on this!!

Wassalamualaikum. Wr. Wb.

CFD - Save the Children

This morning, I went to CFD all by myself. I always love to see the crowd in CFD. They look healthy and full of life. They are walking, biking, skateboarding, no public transportation. Just a crowd who wants to get sweaty and healthy with their loved ones. Then, I drop by at my older brother's event: 25th years of International Children Day by ECPAT Indonesia. There are so many people who hold some celebrations and so many interesting booths, it was marvelous. It's been a while since I felt so alive, lol~

Selamat Hari Anak Internasional. Save the Children. Save humanity.

Patience and Growing Up

Sometimes our heartache comes from our own minds. We feel so miserable when something doesn't go the way we want it to be. We will blame other people for not cooperating with us. The truth is, it's our own expectations that make us suffer in the end. 

So, should we give up? 

Do we have no choice but to stop putting high expectations? 

Should we run away from the things we have started because of our own heartache? 

Maybe a life without anyone would be better, we think.

Everyone has been in that state. A state where we think the world is unfair and we want to run away from it. A state where we think everyone else is just getting in our way to reach our dreams. The journey where we face the most difficult times and hit the wall that seems can't be broken. We're stuck. We feel depressed and keep questioning, "why can't this happen the way I plan it? I've worked hard. I've put a lot of effort into it?"

The answer for everything is very easy yet very hard to apply: patience 

That's right. Patience. It is a very simple solution for all of our problems in the world, but why is it so hard for us to be patient when things start to go wrong? Why do we choose to put our anger first instead of our patience? Everyone knows: an angry heart will never result a good thing especially when making decision, but we suddenly forget about that when something disappointed us. We may not be born with the same character and attitude, we will always find someone or something that doesn't match our character, but we don't have to face that with anger. We just have to be open-minded and again, always be patient.

"Oh, it's easy for you to tell us to be patient, you don't know what I feel, you don't know what I'm going through..!"

Some stubborn minds might think that way, but again, it's because it loses its patience that our minds refuse to listen to any advice. Life is about our process to grow up. Growing up isn't always about 12 to 25 and then you officially become an adult. Growing up is about the growth of characters as well. That's why even if you're going to 40 or 80, you will keep growing up as long as there's something inside of you that you need to change. As long as you keep trying to make yourself a better person, it's called growing up. The more we grow, the more patient we should be, because of the more challenging life ahead of us. That's why maturity is not just about numbers. 

And above all, we have to keep asking for His guidance so we will not get lost. Patience can be granted to you if you keep trying and learn to apply it in your life and as long as you keep asking for Allah SWT for it. Once you master the knowledge of patience, the world will be yours, because nothing can get you down and nothing can destroy your spirit. Be patient and be thankful, always.

Obat yang Sesungguhnya

Sudah sebulan berjalan sejak kedua pergelangan kaki gue sakit. Awalnya karena salah urat, kemudian gue biarkan saja selama seminggu hingga akhirnya semakin parah. Karena nggak tahan dengan rasa sakit itu, gue memutuskan untuk ke tukang urut. Gue kira kaki akhirnya akan sembuh, tapi tidak berapa lama setelah itu, kedua kaki gue kembali sakit. Entah gue lagi-lagi ceroboh hingga salah uratnya kembali parah, atau memang pijit yang sebelumnya kurang berhasil.

Kemudian, gue mengadukan keluh kesah kepada Papa yang memang merupakan salah satu tempat terbaik untuk gue berbagi. Jawaban Papa sederhana,

"Mungkin Ade lupa untuk meminta pertolongan Allah terlebih dahulu dan sibuk memikirkan obat dan cara lain..."

Papa mulai bercerita kejadian saat dia terserang sakit perut yang sangat parah di tengah perjalanan. Saat itu, perutnya terasa ditusuk-tusuk seolah ada angin yang mencoba keluar, namun tertahan. Yang dipikirkan Papa pertama kali adalah obat apa yang harus segera dibeli atau jamu apa yang ampuh untuk menghilangkan sakit perut itu. Sambil terus menahan sakit, pikiran Papa sibuk memikirkan berbagai macam obat dan jamu hingga akhirnya Beliau tersentak sendiri, seharusnya Allah menjadi pertolongan pertama yang ia pikirkan.

Tersadar akan kelalaiannya, Papa segera beristighfar sebanyak 20x dengan penuh kesungguhan, kemudian membaca bismillah dan La haula wala Quwwata illa billah sambil mengusap perutnya yang sakit. Tidak sampai lima menit, rasa sakit di perutnya hilang seolah tak pernah terjadi. Masha Allah.

Setelah bercerita itu, Papa meraih pergelangan kaki kiri gue dan melakukan hal yang sama dengan yang dilakukannya pada perutnya yang sakit, dan tak berapa lama, sakit di kaki kiri gue perlahan berkurang, meski masih ada sisa-sisanya, tapi dibanding kaki kanan yang memang dibiarkan saja (karena gue tidak bilang kalau kaki itu juga sakit), kaki kiri gue terasa jauh lebih nyaman untuk bergerak. 

Gue memilih percaya bahwa kuasa Allah itu melampaui batas pikir manusia. Apalagi ketika Hamba-Nya telah meminta dengan sungguh-sungguh dan memberikan usaha yang sungguh-sungguh. Ia Maha Pengasih dan Penyayang, bukan tidak mungkin baginya memutar balikan segala sesuatu.

Dari sini gue belajar bahwa bukan hal-hal duniawi lah yang dapat berperan terhadap kebahagiaan dan kehidupan kitaKetika kita melakukan segala sesuatu di dunia atas dasar mendapat ridho dari-Nya, tentu saja Allah SWT akan memberikan balasan berkali-kali lipat. Tapi sayangnya, dengan segala kenikmatan yang telah kita dapatkan sejak lahir hingga sekarang, kita masih sering menduakan-Nya dengan hal-hal duniawi, lalu merasa hal itu biasa dan wajar saja. Sejujurnya, gue jadi takut gue juga akan menjadi orang yang seperti itu. Semoga Allah senantiasa mengampuni kelalaian kita dan melindungi kita dari berbagai keburukan dunia dan akhirat.

“Di antara manusia ada orang-orang yang menjadikan sesuatu selain Allah sebagai tandingan-tandingan yang mana mereka mencintainya sebagaimana mereka mencintai Allah. Adapun orang-orang yang beriman amat sangat cintanya kepada Allah.” [QS Al Baqarah: 165]

Ikhlas

Ikhlas.
Adalah saat kita merasa Allah saja cukuplah sebagai pembalas kebaikan.

Ikhlas.
Tanpa perlu diungkapkan, Allah tahu mereka yang sungguh-sungguh.

Ikhlas.
Satu hal itu saja, maka kebahagiaan akan datang dengan sendirianya.

Ikhlas.
Karena apresiasi terbaik adalah dari Allah. Sesuatu yang tak bisa kita lihat
namun sudah pasti akan kita rasakan.

Semoga kita dianugerahi sifat ikhlas dalam melakukan apapun.
Lelah dan gundah biarlah Allah yang menyembuhkan.

Me Time

Today is the day that I think I need to cherish. No, there is no big thing that happened. In fact, I spent today all by myself but in a quite odd way.

I went to this certain place where there's one tree filled with unknown fruits. Dad said he had to pick those fruits for his friend. It's amazing how Dad is willing to do that much for the sake of his friend. I mean, the tree is quite high and I didn't even know that the fruits are existed and can be eaten, lol. The thing he always teaches me is real action. Do something real to make other people happy no matter how small it is, like picking some fruits for them or visit his place no matter how far it is. Friendship and relationship aren't about telling good words only.

So, after this very awesome quality talk with Dad, he asked me if I want to go somewhere; I said I need a place to be alone, maybe I need to go to college so I can enjoy some quality time in the choir room. He said okay, and he dropped me there. He didn't ask or force me to go home with him. Seems like he understands that her daughter needs the time on her own. So, I went to the choir room and there was nobody in it, unlike usual. Well, it's normal. It's Sunday, people are supposed to be home or somewhere else, not college, lol.

I've already prepared with laptop, headset, and jacket. I spent the rest of the day in the choir room alone, all by myself, watching a movie, karaoke, write some personal stuff, and time flies before my eyes. The night came and I know I shouldn't stay any longer (it was quite scary actually, lol), but since I still didn't feel like going home, I decided to take a little detour with TransJakarta. It was refreshing, I don't know where I went, but I enjoyed watching the scenery along the road while my mind went anywhere. Surprisingly, I didn't feel lonely or sad. I just felt calm and at peace. Before I realize it, it's already 9 pm, so I decided to go home. 

This long detour and my alone time really made me think a lot and talk a lot to Him too. I came to many realizations about my life, and suddenly I got this positive energy to get everything done perfectly. Maybe, every person needs to be alone sometimes, not because they're lonely, but because they need to reset feelings and hang out with themselves, lol.

Anyway, have a nice Sunday.

Hal yang Lebih Berharga dari Materi

Terkadang, kita terdorong untuk mengambil keputusan dalam kondisi hati terburuk kita.
Padahal, kita hanya perlu menunggu untuk lebih tenang untuk kembali ke kondisi yang baik dan mengambil keputusan yang lebih bijaksana

Terkadang, kita merasa tidak diterima di suatu tempat 
Padahal kita hanya lupa beradaptasi kembali.

Terkadang, kita lupa dengan suatu kenyaman akan kebersamaan karena sebuah absen yang panjang.
Padahal, persahabatan sejati tak terkikis oleh jarak ataupun waktu.

Terkadang, kita menilai teman kita sendiri adalah manusia terburuk di dunia hanya karena sebuah kesalahan sederhana.

Padahal, kita tau ia telah melakukan ribuan kebaikan lainnya, tapi terfokus pada keburukannya.

Terkadang, kita terlalu takut untuk memulai kembali karena merasa terintimidasi oleh rasa tidak percaya diri. 
Padahal, belum tentu orang-orang peduli dengan apa yang kita lakukan.

Pada kenyataannya, semua kenegatifan yang kita rasakan mengelilingi diri kita asal muasalnya ya dari diri kita sendiri. Terkadang kita membiarkan diri terlalu larut di dalamnya hingga merasa terbuai dan menikmati rasa sakit hati dan kesendirian itu, kemudian menyalahkan dunia atas penderitaan yang kita ciptakan sendiri. Padahal kita hanya lupa untuk melihat ke sisi yang lain dan membuka hati kita terhadap berbagai hal. Kita manusia biasa, satu-satunya senjata terhebat kita adalah doa; kita harus selalu memohon pertolongan agar senantiasa diingatkan oleh-Nya ketika kita lalai dan hati kita mulai lemah.

Mungkin kita membutuhkan orang lain untuk menjadi pengingat kita sebagai perantara pertolongan dari Yang Maha Kuasa. Yang bisa kita minta dari Allah bukan hanya rejeki, tetapi juga perlindungan hati dari berbagai kenegatifan. Bukan hanya materi, tapi jiwa yang senantiasa dilindungi dan dibangkitkan ketika terjatuh. Melebihi apapun di dunia, jiwa yang tenang dan kesadaran untuk selalu mengevaluasi diri adalah hal terbaik yang bisa dimiliki manusia. Semoga Allah senantiasa mengingatkan kita semua, karena tanpa-Nya, kita timpang dan hilang arah. Semoga Allah senantiasa memberikan petunjuk dan mengembalikan diri ke jalan yang lurus dan membantu bangkit ketika ia mulai lelah dan menyerah.

Semoga...

I Found Me!

So, have you ever try to google yourself? Today, I actually did it for the first time, and guess what I found: I found some embarrassing blogs that I made before this one.. the trace of my 'alay' moments.. lol. Oh well, everyone has those days. Tapi selain itu, gue juga menemukan resensi novel Saat Aku Mengingat Tuhan yang gue tulis sekitar 4 tahun lalu untuk lomba mewakili sekolah. Gue nggak nyangka ternyata ada yang baca novel aneh itu, hahaha...

Resensi I:
http://ramadhany26.blogspot.com/2012/09/resensi-novel-saat-aku-mengingat-tuhan.html

Resensi II:
http://saung-opini.blogspot.com/2012/09/resensi-novel-saat-aku-mengingat-tuhan.html

Resensi III:
http://www-whil.blogspot.com/2011/12/contoh-resensi.html

It was kinda shocking to find my name in someone else's blog who refers to me as a writer/author of a real book, hehe. It's a good feeling actually, I never really think that someone would read my writing. Although those things aren't really a big deal, they are for me. They remind me of my dream, they remind me of how much I love writing and they made me feel like I actually have started something and I should continue doing it. I'm still writing until now, but I haven't try to write a novel again ever since. I guess it's time to start over, since the lowest point of life is actually the moments when you have a lot in mind, lol. The best way to release stress is put it in writing. Wish me luck! 

Bliss

Who said that having a hectic life would make you miserable? In my case, having a busy life is a gift, although sometimes I miss my solitude time, but having people around you is actually not that bad. Hmm... does the introvert girl start to change to be a bit extrovert? Yeah, maybe. Everyone has two sides, right, it's our choices which side we would like to show and enjoy. While I'm still an introvert, I learned to be a bit more social and open to people, at least to those who have been such great friends for us. We only have one life to live in this blissful world, why don't we enjoy it to the fullest and make the best out of it? The journey is long but the view is great!

 

Life is like a movie, but the story is much better because God wrote it Himself. We as the actors have to play it brilliantly. 

Welcome Back, Strong Fighter!

I might be an emo person, but contrary to this negative character, I'm actually a perfectionist person, and when I'm optimistic about something, I will not let anyone drag me down. NO! Once my perfectionist side taking control of me, no one can stop me from working hard to reach my goal.

We're an adult now, right? There is no way we can only sit and wait for someone to lend a helping hand. We have to get up and help ourselves. Feeling lonely, huh? Well, life goes on. I still feel lonely a lot, butt the longer I stay in my comfort zone, the more I'd think that life treats me bad and I probably would think that I'm the most miserable person in the world, but you know what? I'm not. 

I know I'm feeling blue and sad over pointless things a lot, but I won't let it get in my way to have a life. If you refused to be stronger, then no one can help you besides yourself. I'll get my own happiness without depending on anyone. I would take challenges in front of me. I'm gonna live my life to the fullest like I always did before. 

I'm going back to be a strong fighter. I'm not gonna lose.

The Reason to Keep Going

Right now, everyone around my age/semester/year in college is busy starting their final undergraduate thesis. Whereas I'm still here, having the time of my own, still busy doing choir and Mabit stuff. Some people asked me, have I ever get bored doing the same things for these past few years? The answer is NO, I never get bored. The choir is the reason why I'm still coming to college, while Mabit is the thing that keeps me from dropping myself out of college because it reminds me of how much I struggled to get into university. Everyone is so eager to graduate from college while I'm here all alone, having my own dilemma. I'm in my 7th semester. Mom keeps saying that I should graduate next year, but the thing is... I don't know what am I doing. I've tried to find reasons to continue studying the thing I never really interested in, but as time passed, I keep getting this feeling that what I'm doing is useless. I can't find any reason besides my Mom's order to go to college, get a diploma, and graduate soon, so society will accept me. 

Well... Lucky them who actually get the chance to study the things they really want and love. A moment of silence for someone like me who needs more extra reasons and courage to keep coming to college. I should be grateful, shouldn't I? And I am grateful, with my friends and organization, but not with my studies. But no matter what happens, I can't stop now, I'll try to graduate, not as soon as my Mom expects me to be, but soon. My brother said that I should enjoy college while it lasts, either its classes or organization, so when I'm finally leaving, I can look back with no regrets. If I can't like what I'm studying, at least I can love what I'm doing while I'm here, and produce something. So, good luck to you who are struggling with your final thesis. Wish me luck too! :")

Anyway... I don't need to graduate to wear those awesome graduation uniforms, lol. I already tasted the feeling of wearing it. It felt hot actually, but it does make you look cooler haha.

Kuliah Kerja Nyata

KKN is one of the greatest chapters in my life that I would cherish the most. I never expected that I would have such a deep bond with certain people from that place. How would I know? I wasn't really excited about KKN back then, barely came to the group meeting, I wanted to stay home so badly instead of spending 30 days in another faraway village. Anyway, people changed. Experience also changes my perspective and opinion about KKN. Now if anyone ever asked me about KKN, I would tell them to take it and enjoy it. You would create great memories as well 💗

So, whom did you think had a special bond with me? KKN Ganks? Hmm... no. They're nice and awesome, but what I mean here are the kids from Belimbing Village. And when I said special, I really mean it. Let's get to know them 😁

1. TINO 

He's in 5th grade and he has Liver disease, but unexpectedly he's super hyperactive. He has great energy and he loves to tickle everyone around him. He never gets tired, he could chase me only to tickle me for like an hour and he wouldn't stop until he gets his target. Naughty... naughty boy 😆 This cheerful kid can get along with most people. He likes to pull pranks on others too, and he usually succeeds. He's also very smart, like one of the most lovable kids I have ever met. Tino loves playing chess, that explained why he's so smart 😁

2. RICO

Rico is supposed to be in 5th grade, but he's still remained in 2nd grade. As far as I know, he can only read the word "Ibu" and "Ayah". He can do a bit of math, he can do addition quite well, but he can't do subtraction or even multiplication. Rico can't be hurt nor get hurt because he has epilepsy. We can't surprise him too hard or he will faint literally. Rico is very courageous to learn something. He's has a little bit of autism; if you tell him something, he will do it right away. Like when I told him to come to my homestay at 7 am, he really comes. When I promised him something, he will remember it and he will keep asking me to complete my promise to him 😁

3. STEPHEN

Stephen, such a cool name, tho all of his friends called him without the 'S', haha. Stephen is one of the most lovable kids too. He's naughtier than Tino. Stephen loves to pull pranks on others, and he's like a troublemaker, but in a cute way 😋 Stephen also has a deep bond with us, his home is really far from our homestay but he didn't hesitate to take a long road only to meet us and play with us. Isn't it the sweetest thing ever? And he loves animals so much. He would borrow my camera to hunt some animal pictures. That makes him even more adorable 💚

4. ANGGA - ANGGI

Angga (on the left) and Anggi (on the right), I usually called them Twins A. It's quite funny how I discovered them: At first, Anggi was absent because he was sick. I didn't know that Angga has a twin. After a week, I met Anggi who was running in the school hallway, but I called him Angga. Of course, he didn't answer. Then, one of their friends told me that it was Anggi who just ran past me, and Angga was inside the class. Can you imagine how I reacted when I found out that the adorable kid has another adorable twin? Like... double cuteness, LOL!! They're almost identical. But it's easy to differentiate them once you get used to them. Angga has a big mole on his neck while Anggi has a smaller one on his left cheek, and Anggi's face is a bit smaller. It's cute how they always wear exactly the same clothes when they visited my homestay, and they always have the same haircut. Unlike the other kids, Angga and Anggi are very shy. They refused to get closer to us in the first two weeks. It was a big surprise when they visited our homestay despite their faraway home. And they visited us every day, although all they did were only sitting, hiding their faces, and whenever we asked them something, both of them have the same answers: "Nggak tau.." or just look away, refused to answer. But they're still really cute. This post is longer than the others because they are, you know, double~ 💙💙

5. ARDI

Ardi is in 4th grade. He was supposed to be in 5th grade, but he failed because he missed too many classes the previous year. It's sad because he's a brilliant kid, and much more mature than the others in character. He's the best kid I have ever met. He loves drawing and his drawing is fantastic. He knows that I adored him more than the other kids, but he didn't act spoiled at me while the other kids usually tried to get our attention. He would just sit a bit farther and draw something, he understands that I have to teach his friends. He's very sincere and calm. He takes good care of Rico, he keeps him accompanied and he always helps Rico doing his homework. Ardi always participated in our programs, and he did it wholeheartedly. Before I left, we made a promise that he would not absent from school anymore and he would reach the first rank in class. I have faith in him because he's actually brilliant, he's just so lazy last year, but he wanted to change. Isn't that sweet? 💗 Sadly, on the last day, I couldn't meet him for the last time because he was so determined to go to school despite the fact that it would be the last time he spends his time with me. I'm just so proud of him. Ah, no worries... two weeks after the farewell day, I met Ardi again because I visited the village again with my friends so we got to say our farewell properly for the last time. I will cherish the time he spends with us 💗

6. BASTIAN

His full name is Bastian Saputra, and I'm the only one who called him Bastian. Bastian and Ardi is one packet for me, I love both of them the most. Bastian also loves drawing, although his drawing isn't as great as Ardi, he enjoys it. Bastian has a problem in reading, although he's already in 4th grade. He's slower in reading compared to others, that's why I focused him on learning how to read and whenever we're together, I would ask him to read any words that we found near us. Bastian is a cheerful kid, and he's already visited me in Jakarta once. He's also the one who calls me the most 😁 He loves playing more than studying, that's normal 😋 He and Ardi completed each other, and Ardi would always gladly help him. And both of them are my special sons 💗

I made a promise to them that I will visit once in a while. Hopefully, I could really make it ❤

Allah Mengalikan Sedekah Papa 10x

I just had another super quality talk with my super Dad, and I felt the urge to write about it because the topic is really interesting (for me, at least). Tentang apa? Keajaiban sedekah. Berapa banyak cerita tentang keajaiban sedekah yang pernah kita dengar? Tak terhingga, tapi hal paling sederhana pun cukup untuk membuktikan kekuasaan Allah SWT.

Hari ini, gue mendapat kiriman uang dari PSM, hasil danus Vietnam, yang tidak gue sangka-sangka karena kompetisinya sudah berlalu lama dan gue kira beasiswa dari Kampus merupakan puncak dari rejeki Vietnam ini. Ternyata... Allah masih belum berhenti menurunkan hujan rejekinya (dan insya Allah, tak akan pernah berhenti). Seperti biasa, uang itu gue bagi untuk orangtua. Meski tidak seberapa, langsung saat itu Papa mulai bercerita, 

"Baru tadi sore Papa iseng memberi uang pada ibu-ibu tukang sapu jalanan, cuma Rp5000, tapi malamnya Allah sudah memberikan gantinya. Beberapa hari yang lalu, Papa juga iseng memberikan uang Rp20.000 kepada Bapak tua yang kakinya luka, tertidur di jalanan dengan anaknya. Lalu malam harinya, tiba-tiba Allah mengembalikan uang Papa lagi. Hanya dalam hitungan jam, keajaiban sedekah itu terjadi. Dan entah kenapa, jumlahnya selalu 10 kali lebih banyak... Sesederhana keinginan untuk memberi, semudah itu pula Allah memberikan gantinya..."

Itu hanya salah satu dari sekian banyak kisah keajaiban sedekah yang Papa berikan kepada gue. Salah satu yang menarik lagi, 

"Waktu itu Papa pernah batal memasukkan uang amal Rp5000 ke Masjid karena mau memberikannya ke De Nanda. Papa pikir sama aja, tapi ternyata sampai sore nggak ketemu-ketemu. Lalu, sorenya, Papa ditilang polisi sebesar Rp50.000. Bukannya kesal, tapi Papa langsung introspeksi diri, ingat kalau tadi batal memasukkan uang ke Mesjid. Subhanallah..."

Papa selalu bilang, sedekah nggak perlu nunggu bertemu anak yatim-piatu, orang cacat di jalan, atau pengemis. Memberikan uang kepada Pemulung atau Tukang Sapu Jalanan juga sedekah karena mereka juga fakir yang bekerja untuk hidupnya. Ketika ada kesempatan, jangan pikir panjang tentang untung-rugi, langsung saja berikan. Lama-lama akan jadi kebiasaan.... dan tanpa perlu mengharapkan apa-apa, Allah pada akhirnya akan membalas kita, meski kita merasa tak perlulah juga tak apa, kita ikhlas, namun Allah memberi hadiah atas keikhlasan kita karena Dia sesungguhnya yang bisa melihat jelas apakah kita tulus atau tidak. Jangan berpikir kita ingin memberi tanpa mengharapkan sesuatu dari Allah, Allah bisa menilai siapa yang sungguh ikhlas tanpa kita harus berpikir rumit tentangnya, dan meski kita menolak, Allah akan tetap memberikan reward-nya kepada Hambanya. Syukurilah...

Semoga bermanfaat.

Untuk Diingat

Mungkin harus menuliskannya disini agar jadi pelajaran berharga yang bisa diingat suatu hari nanti. Persiapan untuk perjalanan ke Vietnam dalam rangka Interkultur Festival 2013 untuk lomba Paduan Suara jauh lebih berat dari yang dibayangkan. Banyak yang terjadi di luar ekspektasi, hal-hal yang tidak sesuai ekspektasi, menangis, mengeluh, putus asa, sambil terus menjaga hati agar tetap menjaga kualitas berpaduan suara. Boleh dikatakan, gue lebih banyak mendapat pelajaran dari organisasi PSM UIN Jakarta dibanding kuliah gue sendiri. Rasanya kayak gue kuliah di PSM. Gue mendapat rejeki dan peluang pekerjaan dari teman-teman PSM. Gue menjadi diri sendiri di PSM. Gue mendapatkan keluarga di PSM. Untuk itu gue berani mengambil resiko untuk PSM, atas segala hal yang telah mereka ajarkan pada gue....

Gue belajar menghargai orang lain

Gue belajar menghargai orang lain yang sedang berdagang karena sudah mengalami betapa sulitnya mencari uang dan betapa senangnya ketika ada satu orang saja yang membeli dagangan kita.

Gue belajar untuk tidak meremehkan usaha orang lain karena gue sendiri tahu rasanya ketika usaha kita dianggap tidak bermakna apa-apa.

Gue belajar menghargai acara dan kegiatan orang lain, hal kecil seperti bantu broadcast atau retweet sebuah event dari seorang kawan akan sangat membantu mereka.

Masalah finansial, nggak pernah gue duga akhirnya akan disudutkan oleh masalah ini. Gue kira gue baru akan memikirkan masalah finansial ketika gue sudah menikah. Tapi tidak, kehidupan yang sesungguhnya sudah dimulai dari sekarang. Hidup tidak mudah, tapi tidak akan membuat gue mati terpuruk juga, selama gue terus yakin akan kehadiran-Nya dalam hidup gue. Dalam perasaan keterpurukan, gue masih memiliki makanan untuk mengisi perut yang lapar. Masih ada rumah untuk diri yang lelah. Masih ada orangtua yang senantiasa mendoakan. Sungguh, Allah tak pernah meninggalkan, justru gue yang sering lupa pada-Nya. 

Ya Allah, berkahi usaha Kami. Satukan hati Kami. Dan jika ini yang terbaik bagi Kami, iringilah langkah Kami. Sungguh tiada daya dan kekuatan selain pertolongan dari Engkau, Yang Maha Pengasih lagi Penyayang. 

An Open Door?

It's been a while, hasn't it? Alhamdulillah, I think the word is not enough to show how grateful I am for Allah's mercies to me. For the ups and downs in life, I'm so grateful for it. Thanks to these superb, incredible folks who keep inspiring me to be a better, stronger, braver person. And to my parents, ever since I was a kid, they've been teaching me that the best are those who can be beneficial to others, and they showed me how to. I dare myself to break my own shell, get out from my comfort zone, take chances and challenges, gain experiences and lessons, and look how far I've come? I'm no longer that lazy kid who'd rather spend the day in her bed and doing nothing (though I still love it, haha!). 

Anyway, don't forget to purchase Media Indonesia today (17/3/13). There's my very first published feature about Choir, "Berpadu dalam Harmoni, Menorehkan Prestasi"... Is this an open door to become a real writer? My friend told me that I have to prepare myself to write another article. So, I will be publishing my writing (mostly feature I think) monthly in Media Indonesia. A dream comes true? 😁

Next target: Publishing my own book! Aaaamiiiin :')

Balance in Life

So, how's life? So far so................... tired! Btw, I'm having writer's block now. You know, that syndrome when you couldn't write anything although you want to write. That's why I don't write as often as I used to be in this blog. Because I actually don't know what to write or how to write it. Now, I'm trying to write my daily life to get my inspiration back 😅

It's been more than a week but this illness still sticks in my body. Inflammation, flu, fever, and maag. These never-ending activities often make me forget to eat regularly. I lost some weight and my friends even told me that I become too thin now, but don't worry because I'm strong. I won't let this sickness hold me down from doing my activities.

can you tell my eyes? I was still sick when this photo were taken =_=

Anyway, it's not only bad things that happened to me lately but there are also good things. Some friends offered me jobs; TV Show Script's translator, writer at Media Indonesia, and waitress at my friend's cafe. I'm currently working as a waitress now. It's not about the salary, but experience instead. So, yeah... the sickness and chances that Allah give to me at the same time are proof that my life is still in the balance, hahaha.

I also learned the difference when you're working for your passion and working for money only. When I'm in PSM, I don't mind doing things as much as I could because my passion is there, singing, art, and everything. When I'm working somewhere else, in something that's totally different and definately far from my passion, time goes by very slowly. Although I always try to do my best in everything, it's kinda hard when your heart is not in it, all you can do is just pushing yourself to the limit, hahaha. But no worries, I have fun too~

At Workplace, Kopi Kampung... Look how pale I am.

Alhamdulillah, I hope I could gain money to pay fees for the Vietnam competition all by myself, without having to ask my parents. Ameeen. Ah, happy holiday, though I couldn't really call it a 'holiday', hahaha.

Di Balik Sebuah Musibah

gambar diambil di Taman Fakultas Psikologi UIN Jakarta, setelah hujan kemarin

Alhamdulillah, matahari sudah mulai kembali menyinari hari-hari kita lagi. Hujan tidak sederas dan sesering beberapa hari sebelumnya. Banjir mulai surut. Orang-orang kembali beraktivitas. Mungkin ada alasan kenapa Allah mengguyur Jakarta beberapa hari ini hingga banjir melanda lebih besar dari sebelum-sebelumnya. Mungkin kita lupa bahwa hidup kita berjalan selaras dengan alam semesta. Kita lupa menjaganya. Kita lupa untuk tidak membuang sampah sembarangan. Kita lupa untuk menjaga lingkungan. Mungkin juga kita lupa bersedekah, lupa berbagi pada sesama selama ini. Banjir telah membuat kita menjadi lebih peka atas musibah yang diterima orang lain. Banyak orang-orang mendirikan posko bantuan, terjun ke lokasi bencana demi membantu orang-orang, bahkan menyisihkan harta mereka demi para korban banjir tersebut. Maha Pengasih Allah, Dia masih mengingatkan kita, mengajarkan kita, mengembalikan kita ke jalan-Nya, padahal kita berkali-kali lupa. Ya Allah, terima kasih atas kesempatan yang Engkau berikan. 

Semoga kebaikan dan pengorbanan yang kita lakukan tidak berhenti hanya karena hujan telah berhenti. Amin.