All Thoughts Packed in One Post

Assalamualaikum. Wr. Wb.

A friendly reminder that you will waste 3 minutes of your life if you're reading this lame post. Before you continue, I suggest you to open a new tab and open a better web to read.

Do you still want to continue?

Well, I've warned you.

The last time I wrote here was two months ago?! Wow, never thought that I would leave blog for that long, but now here I am again, in need for a place to let out my feelings, anxieties, troubles, etc.. LOL. Some things never change, aren't they?

I'm currently at the end of my college life, and I've never felt so stressed about it, simply because I'm always drawn to do the things that I love instead of what I must do. I'd rather do my job as cantora in PSM and take care of those singing lessons, events, projects, etc, instead of doing my thesis. Seeing my friends graduated one by one really makes me happy, but terrified at the same time. I had issue with overthinking and I can't help but think that I might would never have a chance to graduate as long as I'm still doing the things I love, rather than what I must do. These thoughts keep bugging me, that's why my insomnia is getting worse, because all of those terrifying thoughts seemed to come to the surface of my mind when I'm alone. It's sucks to be someone who can only focus on the things she loves.

Maybe I'm just really a sucker for things like thesis and school stuffs like this. :-(

On a brighter note, I'm quite relieved that my job as cantora in PSM will be over this month. It means, I would finally be able to concentrate on my thesis. I'm having a lot of fun doing my job for two years in Artistic Department, and honestly, I think if I were asked to continue doing it, I will still agree to do it because I understand more and more about my job and artistic and finally know what I want to do in it. Two years are not enough to build a strong artistic department, I think, especially when you began to understand what your job description is, and what you want to build and improve, you just want to continue doing it, and especially when you already feel so comfortable in it... But like the famous quotes said, nothing lasts forever. I know I have to put an end for myself and let the new generation replace me. I need to entrust my dreams and job to them and give them chance to learn, and especially let them feel the excitement of being in Artistic. It's always good when you're working for arts and that's why my thesis is always number 2, or maybe even 5 in my to-do-list lol. I'm not quite sure if I regretted it or not for being this way, but I know I'm happy for being able to do my best for the organization that I love.

I don't know where my life is going to take me from now, honestly, I never really imagined my life without PSM, and I never imagined that I would be at this point of college. I know I should be the one who decide where I must going from now, decide things for myself, and create my future. But honestly, I'm just not that kind of cool person who has the guts to dream big or have their future set in their mind. All I know is I need to graduate this year and continue doing the arts. I need to find a way to go to Japan somehow, and I still need to find a way to buy a new camera. 

Wow, this post is so lame and has no good closure. Sorry that you have wasted your time reading it lol. I've warned you, though :p

Wassalamualaikum. Wr. Wb.