Bliss

Who said that having a hectic life would make you miserable? In my case, having a busy life is a gift, although sometimes I miss my solitude time, but having people around you is actually not that bad. Hmm... does the introvert girl start to change to be a bit extrovert? Yeah, maybe. Everyone has two sides, right, it's our choices which side we would like to show and enjoy. While I'm still an introvert, I learned to be a bit more social and open to people, at least to those who have been such great friends for us. We only have one life to live in this blissful world, why don't we enjoy it to the fullest and make the best out of it? The journey is long but the view is great!

 

Life is like a movie, but the story is much better because God wrote it Himself. We as the actors have to play it brilliantly. 

Brain VS Heart

She's a secret admirer
She is a best friend
She loves in silence
She pays attention to the little things he does
She makes sure he is fine every day
She keeps her eyes on him without him noticing

She questions herself every day
When to give up?
How to give up?
She told herself again and again
It's time to give up

So, she decides to give up
But it's not as easy as what her brain told her to
As her heart keeps screaming out his name

Brain
"Oh, it's just a matter of time,"

But as time goes by
The feeling still has not left her yet

Brain
It's pointless, just give up
He doesn't even care...

Heart
Don't give up just yet...
Love is not about being returned.
It's about sincerity...
You don't have to stop loving him

Brain:
Screw that! Sincerity?
Is sincerity mean hurting yourself?
It's just an excuse that your heart makes
If love doesn't get returned, find another one
Who will treat you better, not bitter

Heart
Oh, shut up brain. You only think about the logic
Love is not about finding a perfect person
It's about embracing the imperfection

Brain
He doesn't care. That reason alone is enough
You've gotta move on with your life

Heart
Have you really ask him how he really feels?

Brain
His action speaks louder than words
You're too naive and put your hopes up in the sky
What has he done that makes you so sure?
I answer that: nothing

Heart
We should never judge if he never really says anything about it

Brain
That's why we judged because he never does anything
Have you lost your mind and can't tell it?
Oh, I forgot. You're a heart
You don't think, you only feel what you want to feel

Heart
Ugh! It's pointless to debate with a stubborn like you
But no matter how many times you tried to put the logic above everything
As long as the heart still believes
Nothing is going to change about her feeling

And the girl finally decided to sleep and shut her brain and heart down for a while. 

Welcome Back, Strong Fighter!

I might be an emo person, but contrary to this negative character, I'm actually a perfectionist person, and when I'm optimistic about something, I will not let anyone drag me down. NO! Once my perfectionist side taking control of me, no one can stop me from working hard to reach my goal.

We're an adult now, right? There is no way we can only sit and wait for someone to lend a helping hand. We have to get up and help ourselves. Feeling lonely, huh? Well, life goes on. I still feel lonely a lot, butt the longer I stay in my comfort zone, the more I'd think that life treats me bad and I probably would think that I'm the most miserable person in the world, but you know what? I'm not. 

I know I'm feeling blue and sad over pointless things a lot, but I won't let it get in my way to have a life. If you refused to be stronger, then no one can help you besides yourself. I'll get my own happiness without depending on anyone. I would take challenges in front of me. I'm gonna live my life to the fullest like I always did before. 

I'm going back to be a strong fighter. I'm not gonna lose.

The Other Side

http://zavala47.deviantart.com/art/Two-sides-to-one-person-125599931

Everyone has two sides about themselves, right? The good one and the bad one. Staying awake every night sometimes helps me figure out things about myself, I came to realized that I actually have these creepy, criminal, dangerous, mean thoughts that I never show to anyone. Heck, if people could read minds, I don't think they'll stay close to me for more than 5 minutes. They'll freak out immediately. 

This double life I lead isn't healthy for me, Jason Mraz said, but I can't help it. The only way to release those thoughts is by being sarcastic or being a very quiet person, and I've been holding it for a long time because the only thing that keeps me from shouting sh*ts to people is the fact that the good side of me told me that I shouldn't hurt anyone's feeling. But still, realizing that I have these kinds of crazy, awful thoughts in my mind make me realized that I probably don't deserve anyone's affection. Especially from people who love me now.

I feel like I don't want to drag them into my life because it's too awful and I don't think there's anyone who would ever be able to put up with my stubbornness, furthermore, the other side of me. The more I grow up, the more I realize that society will always judge me, including my family and friends. Heck! Can't I live freely, outside of those people's whispers and backtalk? Back in high school, I was this bad little kid who always skipped classes and did all the bad things, then my friends accepted me with all the pain I brought, they accepted me in my darkest hours. But the best thing about them is they didn't try to stop me when I decided to find the light by myself. They don't judge me at my lowest point and they support me in my brightest moment.

I can be so negative at unexpected moments and I don't think anyone can bear with it. While trying so hard to lift up to people's expectations, be a good girl for my parents, I get tired and BAM!! The crazy thoughts start surrounding my head. I can't let anyone live with this wild woman, I would hurt them. I really think I should pull myself away from people slowly because I'm afraid I'd harm them. 

I think I should befriend solitude.