Two Worlds that Give You Strength

In a parallel universe:

A friend decides to disappear due to anxiety and the inability to socialize, feeling so negative all the time, he gave up on life and dreams. So, he decides to close the door for everyone and locks himself in a house of solitude. Not long after that, a group of friends who are his best friends came to rescue him and make sure that everything's gonna be alright and they will always be there for him. They don't give up on him and help him get through the hell called loneliness. The only thing they want for this friendship is the happiness of others.

eg:

- Naruto and Sakura to Sasuke

- Akira and Nobuta to Shuji

- Miyuki and Saki to Hajime

- Ron and Hermione to Harry

and so many others

Don't you wish that you could live in a parallel universe someday? A world who gives you hope and no matter how many times you fall, you know you can always count on others and believe in them. 

In real life... 

An emo person is meant to be alone. When a friend is gone, it doesn't matter because you will always encounter new ones who may be better than them. If a friend decides to give up, we will think that it is his right to give up and that he knows what he must do to his life, so why bother to ask? People get annoyed with someone who has so many insecurities and thinks that it's not their business to get involved in such dramatic life because everyone has their own problem, so you have to be strong and don't count on others. In real life, even friendship needs reward: if they are not fun enough or useful enough, we may just become a colleague, not friends.

Real-life taught us to be strong because, in the end, we are alone. If you give up, no one will pity on you, so you just have to get courage and live on. 

The beauty of friendship in a parallel universe does not exist in real life. If you have that kind of friendship, you are lucky and blessed, you must treasure it. But if you don't, you have to survive this life although you are alone. Go travel, buy ice cream, do small things that makes you happier, although you are alone, you can be happy too.

Everyone wishes to have the best of both worlds. But if you only have one, at least you have one thing for sure from both worlds: the strength to keep on living. The world that gives you strength from the existence of friendship, and the world that taught you to gain strength from yourself. At last, the most important thing is you can continue living. With or without people.

CFD - Save the Children

This morning, I went to CFD all by myself. I always love to see the crowd in CFD. They look healthy and full of life. They are walking, biking, skateboarding, no public transportation. Just a crowd who wants to get sweaty and healthy with their loved ones. Then, I drop by at my older brother's event: 25th years of International Children Day by ECPAT Indonesia. There are so many people who hold some celebrations and so many interesting booths, it was marvelous. It's been a while since I felt so alive, lol~

Selamat Hari Anak Internasional. Save the Children. Save humanity.

Mental Illness

Every problem, sadness, pain... the more I feel it, the more I can't let it out. I need to be alone to be completely mad and punish myself because I can't stop my mind from thinking of bad things. This has been going for quite a while. The worst part is... when I can't really control it, I will start hurting myself. It's like I'm trying to live by feeling the pain in my body. By doing this, the pain in my heart will slowly fade away, not really disappear (they're always there actually), at least I feel more relieved after I hurt myself. Slowly, the thoughts of having this in me make me feel even less confident. I began separating myself from people because I felt so different and out of place with them. I get paranoid all the time, bad dreams felt so real that I can wake up in tears and need time to realize they were just dreams. Every bad thing feels two times worse, and I can never see the light ever since.

But I keep on living, while I realized I'm getting more anti-social and more nervous than I was. The more painful is because I can't tell this to anyone, not even to my parents. My insomnia is getting worse this year. I enjoyed loneliness and solitude more than ever, although I can feel that somewhere in my heart is screaming, asking for help, but then I would think that no one will hear, and even if they hear me, they won't come. Because in the end, you are alone in this life. I stop putting expectations. I don't know if I still have a dream to fulfill. Everything was blank and I can't think of something good to dream of. I know that society only accepts those who have the bravery and can speak their mind out loud. I can't do that. Trust me, I have tried to change so many times, but I'm still the same nervous-unconfident girl.

The only light in my life is indeed my faith in Allah. If I don't have faith in him, I might have ended my life a long time ago. I know my life won't be the same, I know I can't change the past, but I want to enjoy the future without any regrets. I dream that someday I will have full control of my own emotion and don't hurt myself anymore. I dream that in the future, I will be able to fulfill one dream at least. My dream is not something that can be seen or recognized by people. My dream is for one day, I will become fully happy... and not even a single pain left in me. 

That is all.