Daily Routine Change

Assalamualaikum. Wr. Wb.

1. I choose to stay awake after Fajr instead of fulfill my desire to sleep. It makes me feel less tired and more healthy. It was so difficult for me to sleep early and wake up early, and maybe that's why I often felt tired.

2. I choose to focus on my prayer, no matter how busy I might be, I will try my best not to fasten it and try to perform the best prayer. I've been praying since I was a kid, but I'm feel like these past few days, I finally knew how it felt to be completely 'khusyuk' to the point that I could cry in my sujood. It makes me feel relieved.

3. I choose to start wearing skirts and bigger clothes to cover my body, no matter how people say that I look fatter in it. I may have not been able to wear a completely syar'i clothes, but I'm trying my best, slowly, to reach that point. Honestly, bigger clothes do make me feel safer and more modest, and I'm feel so comfortable because nobody stared at me anymore with 'flirty' look. You know, eventhough you wear a hijab, if you don't wear it right, some irresponsible people would still treat you with less respect.

4. I choose to start reading books again, and it felt great. It's sad that I stopped reading a book for almost a year now, I don't know why I do that. I used to love reading so much. And when I finally come back to this habit (and found a really good book to start over), I'm feel like a part of me is completed. It makes me thirsty of reading. And what I mean is reading a real book, not articles or short stories, or gossip from internet. When I finished a really good book, I'm feel like something inside of me has been accomplished. I don't exactly know what that is, but it makes me feel like I've just travel to a new distant beautiful place.

5. I choose to lessen my make up, unless for occasional events such as concert, weddings, and something that require performance. I want to accept who I am. I never feel like I'm pretty, to be honest. Until few days ago, I still hated my own look and that's partially one of the reasons of my shyness. Ever since I was kid, I got bullied a lot. Kids around primary school age at that time didn't want to be friend with someone who's never placed in class ranking, has a brown skin, curly hair, and don't know how to talk properly. It kinda affected me to the point that I believed that I'm not pretty enough to be accepted. But as I grow up and getting to know more people, I realized that outer appearance is not the most important thing to be accepted. A good heart and good manner is more important than that. I didn't say we all have to act elegantly or pretend to be nice to be accepted, but let's try our best not to hurt anyone with our words or action. And put on a smile more often, that's the best make up we could share for free.

6. I choose to express myself not only through my writing, but in my real life and behavior as well, and that's the hardest thing to do. I have a serious issue with shyness, it took me a whole year to remember my classmates name in college and even until now, I still don't think I know them really well. That's partially because I never expressed myself in front of them. Tho, I think that being silent, sitting beside the windows, and putting on a flat face is also my daily expression, I realized that I never really say what I really want to say to my friends. This is something I need to change. Confidence to be who I wanna be. Sometimes I used excuse that being silent and introvert is also a part of me, but I know that's not the real case. Sure, I probably won't change into a very talkative person so suddenly, but at the very least, I will try to speak what I need to speak and tell what I need to tell. Wish me luck on this!!

Wassalamualaikum. Wr. Wb.