It's been a while since the last time I wrote about Jdrama. I decided to write about Kindaichi 2014 because I got so hooked on this drama. It's one of those dramas I would re-watch many times and never get bored. It's a live-action drama from the famous manga Kindaichi Shonen no Jikenbo. This has been the xxx times that Ryosuke plays the role of detective. I heard the mangaka was especially waiting for him to grow up to play as Kindaichi. How interesting is that? If you like comedy, detective, mystery, thriller, and romance mixed as one, this will be your cup of tea.
This drama revolves around a high school student named Hajime Kindaichi (Ryosuke Yamada). A grandson of a famous detective, Kousuke Kindaichi. Hajime has an IQ of 180, but instead of using it to study, he uses his intelligence to analyze the size of a woman's boobs (he's a pervert indeed, but in a comedy way lol) and doing silly stuff. Hajime's ability in reading kanji is also very poor that he often misunderstands the true meaning of the words. Hajime always lives so carefreely, but behind his foolishness, Hajime able to solve various difficult cases, just like his grandfather. That's why he has a good relationship with Kenmochi Isamu, the police detective, and often helps him solve difficult cases that seemed impossible. Along with his childhood friend, Miyuki Nanase (Haruna Kawaguchi), and his kouhai (junior) Saki Ryuji (Daiki Arioka), Hajime tried to uncover the truth behind many mysteries and murders which happened around him.
The series also highlighted the rivalry between Hajime and Youchi Takato (Hiroki Narimiya), a villain who called himself thecrime producer, a puppet master from hell. Takato made the crime scenarios to lead those who have grudges on certain people to be able to fulfill their revenge by murdering their enemies in the most horrific way. Takato always able to escape from the police by disguising himself as many different people. He challenges Hajime to solve the mysteries behind the murder tricks he made.
Takato never knew his true father and been abandoned since he was a kid. Hajime somehow believes that Takato has human emotion too behind his evilness, and after some incidents between them, Hajime promised that someday he would find Takato's father.
What makes this drama interesting for me?
1. Ryosuke's many faces
Ryosuke as Kindaichi was able to show his really dorky side so well, and suddenly in one second, he could also change into a completely different character: genius and calm. He can be foolish and cool at the same time, like you want to repeat all of his foolish scenes because it's so hilarious but you also want to see his serious side when he solves those cases. The character he portrays is really entertaining, his foolishness seems so natural and you don't get bored watching him (thanks to his extremely beautiful face too) 😁
2. Hajime and Miyuki's relationship
Romance is not the main focus of this kind of drama, but we can see clearly that Hajime and Miyuki actually have soft spot for each other, and Hajime is so protective of her. Some silliness between the two childhood friends were shown nicely, it makes you want to have a childhood friend whom you can fall in love with LOL. It's not exaggerated, and yet still makes you squealed over their cute chemistry.
3. The cases were based on its original manga
Especially if you're a fan of the manga, you can look forward to watching how the cases in the manga being adapted into live-action. But they also made it different so you can still try to solve the puzzles along with Hajime. This is one of the best detective dramas I have ever watched.
4. Takato's charm despite of his evilness
Hiroki totally makes a good portrayal as the sadistic and evil Takato, but at the same time, he can steal your heart with his brilliant acting and charisma. The intense look and coldness around him made you scared but you also want to love him in episode 9 when he saved his sister. Hiroki made Takato's character which was scary in the manga becomes more likable.
Japan is the best when it comes to the suspense and thriller genres. You really feel the intense mystery. I can't even watch it at night because it's too scary for me. I wish they will make the 2nd season for this drama with the same actors, since Ryosuke and Haruna still look like high school students, and the story is great as well. I still want Akechi's character to be adapted in live action too. That would be interesting. And I strongly recommend this drama to everyone. I hope this will be your reference in choosing good Jdramas to watch.
Thank you for reading, bye bye :)
PS: The gifs were taken from Tumblr. Feel free to tell me if you want me to take it down or put credits!
A friend decides to disappear due to anxiety and the inability to socialize, feeling so negative all the time, he gave up on life and dreams. So, he decides to close the door for everyone and locks himself in a house of solitude. Not long after that, a group of friends who are his best friends came to rescue him and make sure that everything's gonna be alright and they will always be there for him. They don't give up on him and help him get through the hell called loneliness. The only thing they want for this friendship is the happiness of others.
eg:
- Naruto and Sakura to Sasuke
- Akira and Nobuta to Shuji
- Miyuki and Saki to Hajime
- Ron and Hermione to Harry
and so many others
Don't you wish that you could live in a parallel universe someday? A world who gives you hope and no matter how many times you fall, you know you can always count on others and believe in them.
In real life...
An emo person is meant to be alone. When a friend is gone, it doesn't matter because you will always encounter new ones who may be better than them. If a friend decides to give up, we will think that it is his right to give up and that he knows what he must do to his life, so why bother to ask? People get annoyed with someone who has so many insecurities and thinks that it's not their business to get involved in such dramatic life because everyone has their own problem, so you have to be strong and don't count on others. In real life, even friendship needs reward: if they are not fun enough or useful enough, we may just become a colleague, not friends.
Real-life taught us to be strong because, in the end, we are alone. If you give up, no one will pity on you, so you just have to get courage and live on.
The beauty of friendship in a parallel universe does not exist in real life. If you have that kind of friendship, you are lucky and blessed, you must treasure it. But if you don't, you have to survive this life although you are alone. Go travel, buy ice cream, do small things that makes you happier, although you are alone, you can be happy too.
Everyone wishes to have the best of both worlds. But if you only have one, at least you have one thing for sure from both worlds: the strength to keep on living. The world that gives you strength from the existence of friendship, and the world that taught you to gain strength from yourself. At last, the most important thing is you can continue living. With or without people.
This morning, I went to CFD all by myself. I always love to see the crowd in CFD. They look healthy and full of life. They are walking, biking, skateboarding, no public transportation. Just a crowd who wants to get sweaty and healthy with their loved ones. Then, I drop by at my older brother's event: 25th years of International Children Day by ECPAT Indonesia. There are so many people who hold some celebrations and so many interesting booths, it was marvelous. It's been a while since I felt so alive, lol~
Selamat Hari Anak Internasional. Save the Children. Save humanity.
Every problem, sadness, pain... the more I feel it, the more I can't let it out. I need to be alone to be completely mad and punish myself because I can't stop my mind from thinking of bad things. This has been going for quite a while. The worst part is... when I can't really control it, I will start hurting myself. It's like I'm trying to live by feeling the pain in my body. By doing this, the pain in my heart will slowly fade away, not really disappear (they're always there actually), at least I feel more relieved after I hurt myself. Slowly, the thoughts of having this in me make me feel even less confident. I began separating myself from people because I felt so different and out of place with them. I get paranoid all the time, bad dreams felt so real that I can wake up in tears and need time to realize they were just dreams. Every bad thing feels two times worse, and I can never see the light ever since.
But I keep on living, while I realized I'm getting more anti-social and more nervous than I was. The more painful is because I can't tell this to anyone, not even to my parents. My insomnia is getting worse this year. I enjoyed loneliness and solitude more than ever, although I can feel that somewhere in my heart is screaming, asking for help, but then I would think that no one will hear, and even if they hear me, they won't come. Because in the end, you are alone in this life. I stop putting expectations. I don't know if I still have a dream to fulfill. Everything was blank and I can't think of something good to dream of. I know that society only accepts those who have the bravery and can speak their mind out loud. I can't do that. Trust me, I have tried to change so many times, but I'm still the same nervous-unconfident girl.
The only light in my life is indeed my faith in Allah. If I don't have faith in him, I might have ended my life a long time ago. I know my life won't be the same, I know I can't change the past, but I want to enjoy the future without any regrets. I dream that someday I will have full control of my own emotion and don't hurt myself anymore. I dream that in the future, I will be able to fulfill one dream at least. My dream is not something that can be seen or recognized by people. My dream is for one day, I will become fully happy... and not even a single pain left in me.
This story has been around in Java island and Indonesia even before the Majapahit era, it was brought by a hermit from India named Ajisaka who traveled to Indonesia. I tried to watch it because my dad is a fan of Mahabharat ever since he was a child. The story and characters are familiar, so I started to give it a try. I got hooked by the sacred language they are using in the dialogue. The metaphor filled with moral lessons sometimes makes us wondered and surprised by the perspective they offered to us. The story itself is brilliant. I have finished all the 267 episodes and all I can say is..... this series is truly a brilliant masterpiece.
The Great Woman and what it means of becoming a wife from the perspective of an ancient story...
Gandhari
Gandhari is the princess of the Gandhara Kingdom. She is the wife of Dhritharashtra, prince of Hastinapura who has been blind since birth. To show devotion to her husband, she oath to blindfold her eyes forever so she can feel the darkness like her husband and therefore their souls would be intertwined. Dhritharashtra hated her for doing such a selfish thing because he wanted her to be his eyes, but Gandhari never gives up on trying to please her husband and take care of her hundred children. She's always trying to make them follow the dharma. Although her act of blindfolding herself is her devotion to her husband, it caused her to never really be able to keep track of her own sons which being possessed by hatred planted by Shankuni, her brother who's longing for revenge to Hastinapura for causing his sister living a miserable life filled with darkness. Gandhari is the most miserable Queen, she has evil sons but she loves them dearly and try her best to protect them from doing evil things, and she fights all her life to be accepted by her husband. Kunti Kunti is one of the ladies who has been blessed to keep herself a virgin due to the curse that's given to her husband Pandu to not do any sexual activity with his wives or else he would die, Kunti stays virgin until her death. Kunti followed Pandu to the forest for exile, she served her husband with full devotion. Kunti has a special boon from Sage Durvasa where she can summon any Gods and they will bless her with a son who possessed the same character and power as them. The children would be considered as the sons of her husband, Pandu. Because of this ability, Kunti has 3 powerful sons, each of them was born from five Gods respectively. They are Yudhistira, Bhima, and Arjuna. Kunti shared the boon with Pandu's second wife, Madri, who bore Nakula and Sahadeva. They are known as Pandava. After the death of Pandu and Madri, Kunti takes care of her five sons alone and teaches them dharma. Before her marriage with Pandu, Kunti mistakenly summon Lord Surya which results in her giving birth to Karna. But, because she didn't want to ruin her father's reputation, she was forced to throw her baby into the Gangga river. She asked Lord Surya to protect Karna and that's why Karna is blessed with a divine shield and earrings which will protect his body. Draupadi The Princess of Panchala was born from the sacrificing fire, the beautiful Draupadi. Her father, Drupada, consumed by anger on Draupadi's birth, asking the Gods to give him the most beautiful daughter in the world who would face the dirtiest act in her life, and yet she would remain pure and clean. She has to live a miserable life and yet she will remain strong. She will face a lot of injustices in her life, and yet she would remain kind. The king wasn't sure that God would be able to give him that kind of daughter, but then Draupadi was born. Her fate from her father's wish on her birth starts to occur. She had to marry all five Pandava because of Kunti's mistaken order and sacrifice her happiness. She only wanted to marry Arjuna, but for the sake of the brothers, she agreed to marry the five. In Hindu mythology, it is also the epitome of a woman's power where one woman can take care of five strong men and devote herself to them. Draupadi has a boon that makes her remain a virgin and keep herself pure by entering the sacrifice fire each year. Draupadi is the kind of wife who will speak her mind to her husband when something is wrong and she is not afraid of people's judgment. As a wife of five husbands, Draupadi has to serve all five of them and be the consort of them. She has to love them equally. Her duty is 5 times more difficult than a normal wife. The Disrobing of Draupadi
One of the reasons that Kurukshetra war happened was because of the disrobing of Draupadi in Hastinapura court after Yudhistira lost the dice game from Shankuni and Duryodhana. She was dragged forcibly into the court hall so the Kaurava could insult her in front of her husbands and all of the people in the hall. Durshashana dragged her by her hair and tried to disrobe her 'sari' in front of people, following Duryodhana's order. The Pandavas and other people like Bhisma, Drona, and the others who are supposed to be faithful in dharma are forced to be silent because of their old beliefs that they have to obey the King's order. Since Duryodhana has won the game and Yudhistira was forcibly had staked Draupadi, everyone else agreed that Duryodhana has the right to Draupadi, but Draupadi did not accept this treachery and keeps trying to save her dignity and honor. She repeatedly questions the legality of the right of Yudhishthira to place her at stake. At the last effort, she prayed to Lord Krishna to protect her because no one in the hall could. As Dushasana unwraps layers and layers of her sari, her sari keeps getting extended, everyone looks upon in awe, and Dushasana himself is forced to stop due to exhaustion. Krishna protected Draupadi.
The Heroes Karna
Karna is the son of Suryadev and Kunti, the oldest brother of Pandava. After Kunti throw baby Karna in the Gangga river, he was found by Adhirata, the charioteer of Hastinapura, and his wife Radha. Since then, Karna is known as Radheya (Radha's son), son of sudra. A sudra has no right to learn about the art of battle, while Karna has a natural talent of great archery. People humiliated his talent to the point that Karna wants to prove to the world that even a son of a charioteer could be the greatest warrior in the world. Karna wants to be respected and appreciated by his talent and power and not his caste. During this struggle, Duryodhana, prince of Kaurava, offers friendship to him and helps him get the respect that he deserves. Karna was crown the King of Angga so people would never make fun of his caste anymore, and this results in Karna being forever tied with prince Duryodhana. As payback for his debt, he promised to always protect the Prince with his own power. At the same time, Karna also raises hostility with Arjuna and the Pandavas. He wants to know who is the greatest archer in the world. He or Arjuna. Although he is siding with the Kaurava, Karna always tries to stick with his own dharma. He considers Duryodhana as his true friend and wants to protect him from doing evil things, but the Prince always reminds him about his debt, and Karna is forced to do things against his own faith and principle. Karna alone possessed all the five dharma qualities in each Pandavas: wisdom, strength, patience, beauty, and intelligence. He has the most tragic life in my opinion :")
Ever since Kunti saw Karna's divine shield appeared in the battlefield between Karna and Arjuna, Kunti knows that he is her son that she threw in the Gangga river years ago. Kunti desperately wants to tell Karna about his true identity as one of the Pandavas and shower him with the love she never gives after all the years passed, but she never gains the courage to tell his son the truth. While Karna, being ignorant of the true relationship hidden, always has a strong affection towards Kunti as if she is his own mother. Karna loves the Queen and whenever he sees Kunti's sadness, he would feel miserable as well. Despite his hostility and hatred towards Pandavas, he never has the idea to kill them using evil deceit like what Kaurava always does. Karna wants to fight them fairly on the real battlefield to show his competency. After he learned the truth about his birth, Karna promised Kunti that he will protect the life of the five of her sons and she only has to mourn one son's death. Only Karna or Arjuna.
The Pandava
The Five sons of Pandu: Yudhistira, Bhima, Arjuna, Nakula, and Sahadeva are the epitome of five Dharma: wisdom, strength, courage, beauty, and intelligence. 1. Yudhistira, the son of Lord Dharma / Yama, he is the rightful heir to the throne. He is the most virtuous, honest, and truthful king of all times. 2. Bhima, the son of Lord Bayu, God of Wind. He has the power of 1000 elephants, the master of mace and so wrathful that it's impossible to even for Lord Indra to subdue him on the battlefield. Bhima also called Wrekodara because of his giant appetite. 3.Arjuna, the son of Lord Indra, God of Thunder, he is handsome and the greatest archer. He is one whose mind is clean of all impurities. He is strong and the dearest friend of Lord Krishna. He possessed kindness and bravery and Yudhistira refers to him as the main hero of Pandava. 4.Nakula, the son of Lord Ashwini, he is the most handsome in the Kuru lineage and pretty much obsessed with his own beauty, lol. He has a special connection with animals and he is intelligent and an expert in healing and medication. He is the dearest brother of Bhima. He is the one who can calm Bhima's anger. 5.Sahadeva, the son of Lord Ashwini, the youngest brother, twin of Nakula, possessed almost the same knowledge and power as Nakula such as medication and healing, except that he is much calmer and quiet than Nakula. He is the most intelligent and he can see the future, but he is cursed that he will die if he tells anyone about the future he sees.
The Pandavas completed each other with their respective talent and knowledge. Just like what Kunti said, the five of them have to stick together no matter what and no one would be able to defeat them, not even a hundred of Kauravas. They always obey Yudhistira's order as the oldest son and they are bound to protect each other. They love their mother Kunti so much and respect their wife, Draupadi.
The Villains
Before they went to Hastinapura, the Pandava lived in the forest with their parents: Pandu, Kunti, and Madri, but after Pandu and Madri's death, they are brought back to Hastinapura by the Queen Mother, Satyawati. They met their cousins, the Kaurava for the first time at a very young age. Although the brothers had no aim for power nor the throne, Shankuni had been provoking his nephews that the Pandava are their enemies who will steal the throne from them. That's why the Kaurava hated the Pandava so much and keep rivaling them in any aspect. Thus started the hostility between Kaurava and Pandava.
1. Shankuni
He is indeed the one who is responsible for everything that happened in the Mahabharat's war. He is the one who provokes the Kaurava to hate their cousins, Pandava. He is cruel and smart, not a very good warrior, that's why he uses many deceptions to fulfill his plan and revenge. He has a dice that will only do what he wishes for, and he used it to deceive Pandava and Draupadi in the dice game. You hate him and his evilness, but you know the show would not be complete without him. He is indeed evil but funny at the same time, it is more entertaining when he faces Vasudeva Krishna, lol. They both are intelligent and cunning, yet the other's purpose was to re-establish dharma while the other one is to fulfill his own revenge. The actor who portrayed it is very convincing and makes you hate him but you will also miss his hilariousness.
2. Duryodhana
I will feel pity for him, not having a chance to learn about dharma nor do the right thing. All of his life has been possessed by the evil uncle, Shankuni. All he knows is he has to win the throne for him because his father is the king and he has to defeat the Pandava. He is stubborn and probably the most arrogant person, but he has good qualities as a human. At least in the Baghavat Gita, he is not as evil as in the starplus mahabharat. He actually respects and trusts his best friend, Karna, he loves his brothers, and he respects his wife. But aside from that, he conspired with Shankuni to destroy his own cousins and disrobe Draupadi. He wants the throne for himself. Nevertheless, he is a brave warrior.
Vasudeva Krishna
At first, Krishna only appeared as the storyteller and one who taught us the moral lessons behind every episode in Mahabharat. He eventually joined in the serial as a real characterand be the most important role, one who leads the Pandavas to reach their victory and re-establish dharma once again. If Shankuni is the one who plotted all the evil things to destroy the Pandavas, then Krishna is the one who will help the Pandavas fight those efforts of Shankuni. In terms of intelligence, he and Shankuni are an equal match. Since Krishna is an avatar of Lord Wisnu, he has all the magical abilities to destroy evils and change people's hearts. He actually teaches you the true meaning of everything that happened in this world from the perspective you have never imagined before. You will fall in love with Krishna. It's impossible not to. He is the most significant character in the story and Saurabh Raj Jain made a great portrayal. I can't imagine anyone else playing the role of Krishna and Lord Wisnu because of him.
The Soundtracks
I must say that Mahabharat has one of the best soundtracks. Every main character has their own theme song. Especially Krishna, he has a number of songs for himself, one of them are made from Baghavat Gita's sastra. The best theme songs go to Krishna, Karna, Arjuna, Abhimanyu, and Draupadi's theme songs.
Sometimes our heartache comes from our own minds. We feel so miserable when something doesn't go the way we want it to be. We will blame other people for not cooperating with us. The truth is, it's our own expectations that make us suffer in the end.
So, should we give up?
Do we have no choice but to stop putting high expectations?
Should we run away from the things we have started because of our own heartache?
Maybe a life without anyone would be better, we think.
Everyone has been in that state. A state where we think the world is unfair and we want to run away from it. A state where we think everyone else is just getting in our way to reach our dreams. The journey where we face the most difficult times and hit the wall that seems can't be broken. We're stuck. We feel depressed and keep questioning, "why can't this happen the way I plan it? I've worked hard. I've put a lot of effort into it?"
The answer for everything is very easy yet very hard to apply: patience
That's right. Patience. It is a very simple solution for all of our problems in the world, but why is it so hard for us to be patient when things start to go wrong? Why do we choose to put our anger first instead of our patience? Everyone knows: an angry heart will never result a good thing especially when making decision, but we suddenly forget about that when something disappointed us. We may not be born with the same character and attitude, we will always find someone or something that doesn't match our character, but we don't have to face that with anger. We just have to be open-minded and again, always be patient.
"Oh, it's easy for you to tell us to be patient, you don't know what I feel, you don't know what I'm going through..!"
Some stubborn minds might think that way, but again, it's because it loses its patience that our minds refuse to listen to any advice. Life is about our process to grow up. Growing up isn't always about 12 to 25 and then you officially become an adult. Growing up is about the growth of characters as well. That's why even if you're going to 40 or 80, you will keep growing up as long as there's something inside of you that you need to change. As long as you keep trying to make yourself a better person, it's called growing up. The more we grow, the more patient we should be, because of the more challenging life ahead of us. That's why maturity is not just about numbers.
And above all, we have to keep asking for His guidance so we will not get lost. Patience can be granted to you if you keep trying and learn to apply it in your life and as long as you keep asking for Allah SWT for it. Once you master the knowledge of patience, the world will be yours, because nothing can get you down and nothing can destroy your spirit. Be patient and be thankful, always.
Although he can be so annoying sometimes (or most of the time), we all agree that he's the clown of the family, our source of laugh, and without him around, it feels lonely here. But this is life. He's a boy, he needs to 'hijrah' no matter what so he can live independently. We are also proud of him that he managed to get into Sebelas Maret University. You know, we had to fight with him to force him to study so he would do well on the exam. A lot of arguments and fights before his leaving because we were not sure that he would be able to live alone in Solo. He's the youngest, and he acts like 12 years old most of the time, so it's normal for us to be worried. Anyway, we know that in the end, life would force him to get out of his comfort zone, and now it has been a month since he started living alone in Solo. Usually, my mom had to wake him up in the morning. Trust me, it is not an easy job. He sleeps like a dead person. But now, he is forced to wake up by himself if he doesn't want to be late for college. So far, I guess it went well. It must be a lot of trouble for him at first, but we have faith in him that he will do well. Life will teach him to live by himself. Maybe this way, he can finally learn to be responsible.
But still... he is the youngest in the family, therefore, we love him the most. And I miss my naughty one, my partner in crime, one who fights with me and then forgives and forgets.
I wish he will do well and this will be a turning point in his life. We are family, we are bound to live separately in the end, but our hearts and souls are tied by one thing called love. That's the thing that will connect us with everyone that is dear to us.
Snowball adalah permainan (entah bisa disebut permainan atau tidak) yang gue kenal sekitar empat tahun lalu di acara Aroma Mabit Nurul Fikri saat gue masih aktif-aktifnya. Caranya adalah dengan membentuk lingkaran bersama teman-teman kita, kemudian masing-masing orang diberi kertas. Kertas tersebut dinamai oleh pemiliknya masing-masing, kemudian diberikan ke teman di sebelahnya. Si teman yang mendapat kertas dengan nama kita harus menulis apapun yang berhubungan dengan diri kita, boleh jadi pesan dan kesan, atau sekedar tulisan nggak penting tipikal sahabat yang males bersikap formal, hehehe. Kertas masing-masing orang akan terus diputar sampai kertas tersebut kembali ke si pemiliknya, dengan begitu dia akan mendapat catatan dari semua orang di lingkaran tersebut. Itulah kenapa permainan ini dinamakan snowball~ Menurut gue, sih, permainan ini hanya seru dilakukan bersama orang-orang yang memang sudah mengenal kita dengan baik.
Anyway, semalam gue bersama kawan-kawan Maximilian bermain snowball setelah berbuka puasa bersama. Gue pun iseng membuka notes snowball empat tahun lalu bersama kawan-kawan Aroma, dan gue agak kaget dengan perbedaan komentar yang cukup signifikan tentang diri gue karena ini berarti gue mengalami perubahan karakter yang drastis.
Kesimpulan dari notes snowball kawan-kawan Aroma 4 tahun lalu:
1. Suka Jepang (masih sampai sekarang....)
2. Good singer
3. Kadep yang baik (alhamdulillah, selalu takut sebenarnya dengan tanggung jawab itu dulu)
4. Bawel (that's odd... now, I can barely talk to people haha)
5. Jangan suka begadang
6. Fave teacher
7. Selalu penuh semangat
8. Seru, rame, asik...
9. Selalu terlihat sangat 'hidup'
Kesimpulan dari catatan kawan-kawan Maximilian yang gue dapat adalah:
1. Pendiam
2. Harus lebih percaya diri untuk tampil (cuma bisa senyum baca ini)
3. Pemalu
4. Introvert
5. Jangan menyimpan semua hal sendirian
6. Move on (ini 'sih pesan dari orang-orang yg susah move on juga sebenernya 😛)
7. Good singer (yang ini zonk sih karena semua anak Maxi yang notabene padus kan penyanyi juga)
8. Punya sikap dingin dan cuek
9. Best friend (you know who you are guys!! :"))
10. Jangan suka begadang (some things never changed haha)
Entah point of view yang mana yang menggambarkan gue yang sesungguhnya, dan entah bagaimana gue bisa begitu terlihat 'hidup' empat tahun lalu, sedangkan sekarang, sepertinya yang terlihat dari gue hanya seperti zombie berjalan. Mungkin karena empat tahun lalu adalah masa peralihan dari remaja ke dewasa, ada sebuah semangat yang membuncah terhadap tantangan di depan gue. Gue begitu perfeksionis, yang gue inginkan hanya melakukan yang terbaik. Gue bisa berbicara lepas dan banyak dengan orang-orang. Gue tidak pernah sekalipun melewatkan kegiatan kumpul-kumpul bersama dan sebagainya, gue merasa hidup dari energi kuat orang-orang di sekitar gue saat itu.
Hari ini, saat ini, di masa gue hidup sekarang, gue berubah. Entah sejak kapan gue semakin menikmati kesendirian, dan semakin menghindari keramaian dan pandangan orang-orang. Gue menghindari berbagai ikatan yang terlalu erat dan semakin sulit untuk menyampaikan sesuatu, atau lebih tepatnya merasa tidak perlu untuk menyampaikan sesuatu itu. Semangat membara untuk bersosialisasi yang dulu ada itu seolah padam. Segala target dan cita-cita semakin gue sederhanakan dan hal yang paling gue inginkan sekarang hanyalah ketenangan jiwa dan kesembuhan.
Terkadang gue bertanya-tanya, bagaimana gue bisa begitu hidup dulu? Seolah gue nggak pernah mengalaminya karena gue begitu menikmati diri yang sekarang. Tentu saja yang ada pada diri gue sekarang jadi terlihat negatif di mata orang lain dibanding positifnya. Gue rasa kebanyakan orang lebih menyukai sosok yang talkative dan terbuka. Sedangkan gue jauh dari semua itu. But at the end of the day, I like who I am. I love my solitude and I love my peace. Ramadhan ini, gue semakin merasa terkendali dan semakin merasa bahwa terkadang, kedamaian itu memang didapatkan dari kesendirian, tapi bukan dengan hidup sendiri. Gue tidak bisa hidup sendiri, tapi gue juga tidak bisa hidup dengan terlalu banyak orang..
Anyway, the iftar with Maximilian was fun, I think we are blessed with that sense of togetherness that will stick with us until the end, inshaa Allah. Ameen.
These thoughts have been bugging me for these past few weeks. The fact that I'm replaceable.
Yes, as sad as that sounds, that's a fact. Even for some people whom I refer as "best friends", for them, I'm still replaceable.
I have a problem with my personality; I can't talk to new people easily. I can't joke around. I'm quiet most of the time while the others are busy living up the place. I realized that the more grown-up I am, the more introvert I become. I often sit all by myself and make a distance from the crowd that is my circle of friends, and no one noticed. I often left the place without properly saying goodbye, and no one realized. I will always be invisible. I get uncomfortable when people are staring at me. I become paranoid, the fear of getting to know people is higher, even to the ones I've already know.
I've been sick for a week. I can't really walk because something is wrong with my feet and I'm also suffering from another depression. And to cheer me up, my big brother gave me his Blackberry for me. At first, I thought it's gonna be fun with those social media apps on my phone. I can keep in touch with my friends again because since I lost my phone a few months ago, I totally lost contact with everyone unless I went to college to meet them or text/call them first. I thought by using a Smartphone again, I would be able to communicate with people.
Hahaha............... who am I kidding?
Whether I exist or not, it doesn't matter. And it's not their fault. Most of the time I prefer to stay out of the crowd. So, it's totally fair if no one's really looking for me. And maybe that's the best. Maybe that's the path that's been chosen for me. I don't know if I'm going to lose my phone again, someday I might won't be able to buy any technologies, and if that means I will lose my social life and people won't talk to me, I'm okay with that. I get sick talking to people after all.
On a bright side, I get closer to my family more than ever. It is true that family is the one who will stick with you until the very end. If you can find a friend who can be your family, cherish them. But if you can't, that's fine. In the end, we will end up with ourselves after all. I just wish whatever fate and life that's chosen for you, you will embrace it and accept it. Sometimes, it's not what you imagined to be, but it doesn't mean you can't make it better. If I'm meant to be a loner, I would embrace my solitude. It's good to be alone in a restaurant with a book. It depends on how you enjoy it.
I am soooo relieved that I finally put these thoughts into this blog. Good day! :)
Entahlah, padahal sebenarnya di mata orang lain, ini bukan masalah yang berat, bukan pilihan yang rumit, I just have to open my heart and my mind. Tapi.... entah karena gue sedang sensitif, entah karena mereka belum mengerti, entah karena gue sedang ada di titik kejenuhan tertinggi, atau memang gue yang lemah, hal ini sampai bikin nangis saat memikirkannya. Nggak mau menyakiti atau mendzolimi orang lain dengan keputusan sepihak, tapi di satu sisi ada hal yang memang tertahan begitu besar di sini, yang sebagaimanapun orang meyakinkan, diri ini belum juga bisa sepenuhnya yakin.
Bukan atas dasar tidak lagi cinta, rasanya itu hal yang nggak mungkin untuk gue... I will always love that place. Namun, untuk kali ini, gue butuh waktu lebih lama untuk berpikir dan mempertimbangkan, terutama untuk menenangkan hati, meyakinkan diri, bukan atas dorongan orang lain, tapi dari gue sendiri. Perlu lebih banyak waktu untuk beristirahat, untuk kemudian kembali lagi. Tapi, nggak banyak waktu yang bisa mereka berikan. I know I should make a quick decision, but once again, right now I'm not as ready as I used to be.
Hal ini di mata orang lain adalah hal yang kekanakan. "Get a grip of yourself!!" They said. Semakin bercerita, semakin membuka diri, semakin terasa bahwa hal ini memang nggak akan dimengerti siapapun. Akhirnya, gue menyerah dengan persepsi dan penilaian mereka karena gue sendiri nggak mampu membenarkan apa yang gue sebenarnya harus ungkapkan.
Sudah sebulan berjalan sejak kedua pergelangan kaki gue sakit. Awalnya karena salah urat, kemudian gue biarkan saja selama seminggu hingga akhirnya semakin parah. Karena nggak tahan dengan rasa sakit itu, gue memutuskan untuk ke tukang urut. Gue kira kaki akhirnya akan sembuh, tapi tidak berapa lama setelah itu, kedua kaki gue kembali sakit. Entah gue lagi-lagi ceroboh hingga salah uratnya kembali parah, atau memang pijit yang sebelumnya kurang berhasil.
Kemudian, gue mengadukan keluh kesah kepada Papa yang memang merupakan salah satu tempat terbaik untuk gue berbagi. Jawaban Papa sederhana,
"Mungkin Ade lupa untuk meminta pertolongan Allah terlebih dahulu dan sibuk memikirkan obat dan cara lain..."
Papa mulai bercerita kejadian saat dia terserang sakit perut yang sangat parah di tengah perjalanan. Saat itu, perutnya terasa ditusuk-tusuk seolah ada angin yang mencoba keluar, namun tertahan. Yang dipikirkan Papa pertama kali adalah obat apa yang harus segera dibeli atau jamu apa yang ampuh untuk menghilangkan sakit perut itu. Sambil terus menahan sakit, pikiran Papa sibuk memikirkan berbagai macam obat dan jamu hingga akhirnya Beliau tersentak sendiri, seharusnya Allah menjadi pertolongan pertama yang ia pikirkan.
Tersadar akan kelalaiannya, Papa segera beristighfar sebanyak 20x dengan penuh kesungguhan, kemudian membaca bismillah dan La haula wala Quwwata illa billah sambil mengusap perutnya yang sakit. Tidak sampai lima menit, rasa sakit di perutnya hilang seolah tak pernah terjadi. Masha Allah.
Setelah bercerita itu, Papa meraih pergelangan kaki kiri gue dan melakukan hal yang sama dengan yang dilakukannya pada perutnya yang sakit, dan tak berapa lama, sakit di kaki kiri gue perlahan berkurang, meski masih ada sisa-sisanya, tapi dibanding kaki kanan yang memang dibiarkan saja (karena gue tidak bilang kalau kaki itu juga sakit), kaki kiri gue terasa jauh lebih nyaman untuk bergerak.
Gue memilih percaya bahwa kuasa Allah itu melampaui batas pikir manusia. Apalagi ketika Hamba-Nya telah meminta dengan sungguh-sungguh dan memberikan usaha yang sungguh-sungguh. Ia Maha Pengasih dan Penyayang, bukan tidak mungkin baginya memutar balikan segala sesuatu.
Dari sini gue belajar bahwa bukan hal-hal duniawi lah yang dapat berperan terhadap kebahagiaan dan kehidupan kitaKetika kita melakukan segala sesuatu di dunia atas dasar mendapat ridho dari-Nya, tentu saja Allah SWT akan memberikan balasan berkali-kali lipat. Tapi sayangnya, dengan segala kenikmatan yang telah kita dapatkan sejak lahir hingga sekarang, kita masih sering menduakan-Nya dengan hal-hal duniawi, lalu merasa hal itu biasa dan wajar saja. Sejujurnya, gue jadi takut gue juga akan menjadi orang yang seperti itu. Semoga Allah senantiasa mengampuni kelalaian kita dan melindungi kita dari berbagai keburukan dunia dan akhirat.
“Di antara manusia ada orang-orang yang menjadikan sesuatu selain
Allah sebagai tandingan-tandingan yang mana mereka mencintainya
sebagaimana mereka mencintai Allah. Adapun orang-orang yang beriman amat
sangat cintanya kepada Allah.” [QS Al Baqarah: 165]
A few days ago, I found a YouTube video of a young boy singing "Dance With My Father" by Luther Vandross. The first look didn't give me much expectation because it seems like taken from a low-quality camera, but once he started singing the intro, I got goosebumps! And when he finally finished the song, I was already in tears. He sounds amazing. His voice is so crystal clear. With one beautiful acoustic guitar played by his cousin, these two made one incredible team. For me, what made it even more special is the fact that most of his videos are recorded with the amateur camera in random places (most of them are inside his house, I guess). Everything looks so simple and modest yet you're still getting that awesome chills because of their awesome musical chemistry and beautiful beautiful voice.
Their names are Aldrich and James from the Philippines. Right after he posted this video on youtube, he became a YouTube sensation. They've been guesting on Ellen too and have been guesting in a lot of shows since then.
You can check out another cover of his on www.youtube.com/SharlaTalonding. I spent the rest of the night listening to all of his covers. So many people are talented, but only a few ones who's been gifted to move people's hearts with their voices. He is one of a kind.
This year was different. I don't know, but I'm still grateful for people who wish me a happy birthday. May the same prayers go for you too :")
I don't feel the excitement of my birthday since the year started. All I wanted was to skip today. I don't know, I'm always excited about someone else's birthday, but when it comes to my own birthday, I don't want to have anything to do with it. I just want to run from it. So many indescribable feelings I couldn't put into words.
So, why am I still writing about today? Well, to remind me that I'm still alive at the age of 22. Getting old isn't so bad, but being an adult is something I don't really enjoy. If only I have one wish that would be granted, then it would be something like meeting Peter Pan who would take me to his Neverland. Is it too much to ask? Lol... of course it is, Baka!
Sebelum berakhir, ingin mengucap syukur atas apa yang telah dilewati sepanjang kepengurusan di PSM UIN Jakarta sejak Juni 2013 hingga sekarang. Pejuang Tangguh! Nama itu melekat dalam diri kita menjadi sebuah identitas untuk menghadapi segala tantangan ke depan. Semakin kuat kami berdiri, semakin tinggi angin yang menerjang, mungkin karena itulah tahun ini kami menghadapi banyak ujian dan tantangan saat menjalani organisasi yang kami sangat sayangi ini. Tapi, atas dasar memiliki mimpi yang satu, kami bertahan dan tetap melangkah maju. Terjang kami dengan angin dan badai sekencang apapun, kami tidak akan pernah berhenti berusaha mencapai tujuan kami untuk mengembangkan dan mengharumkan organisasi ini, tempat kami bertemu, tempat kami belajar, tempat kami bercita-cita. Coba robohkan kami, coba tebang kami, segala ujian dan usaha menjatuhkan itu hanya semakin menguatkan kami untuk bersatu.
"Maxi will stand strong for one of the longest periods in PSM..."
Kata-kata dari senior yang waktu itu belum kami benar-benar anggap serius ternyata terbukti sekarang, dan bukan karena merasa spesial atau sombong, tapi pada kenyataannya, kecintaan kami pada PSM sepertinya sudah mendarah daging, ditambah adanya sebuah mimpi yang kami ingin wujudkan bersama. Saat kepengurusan ini berakhir, entah apakah gue akan kembali naik di Artistik atau tidak, gue akan tetap kembali pulang ke PSM, rumah kedua. Sebagai pengurus atau sekedar anggota, PSM sudah menjadi salah satu sumber kehidupan. Sampai bertemu di akhir Mei dan semoga berhasil untuk para pengurus baru. Tantangan baru di depan kalian, jangan pernah menyerah.
It took exactly 4 years for me to completely move on from one of the most heartbroken events in my life. Life goes on, of course. I will continue doing what I have to do, but my feeling is stuck in yesterday and I don't have enough strength to let go. I prayed for strength, I cried for emptiness, the only thing I can do is enjoying my solitude and sadness at night. I don't want to lose a good friend. Is it okay for you to lose me? Now, my brain seems to be smarter than it used to be. It remembers every little detail of the moments we spent together. Every place and thing seems to have a trace of our journey, and I always have a little broken heart every time. I knew it might not be the right time and I will eventually forget, but for now, being forced to pretend as if nothing ever happened feels like stabbing my heart with a sharp knife over and over again. I have to bear its wound, and I have to bear it alone.
I felt my feet and my heart trembling at such unexpected moments these days. I don't know how or why. Deep down, I know I shouldn't think too much about this matter. I know I have lots of works to do and I know I must be responsible for every task that's given to me. I know my heart is not in it anymore. I know people won't understand and I should never ask for their understanding. I know it very well.
I just really wish I could take a break, especially from that one activity that requires me to come all the way from my home. Not that I don't enjoy it anymore... but now, it's getting harder for me to like it the way I used to. The people, the feeling, the emotion, I keep pretending. It's easy for them to keep saying that we must do our best, but what can you do when your good isn't good enough? What can you do when you have lower emotional strength compared to others?
You know you can force yourself to be strong, but if you have some emotional issue like me, maybe what you can do is pretending, or pushing yourself to the limit. You have this fear that you don't want to disappoint anyone yet you know you can't do this anymore. Your fear and your insecurity are getting bigger and you don't know how to handle it. I just need a break, 'cause I can't take the saying, "if everyone else can do that, why can't you?" HECK! We're different people with different strengths and problems. All I need is a little time to fix myself yet I can't get that.
Life sucks so far and I have to pretend like it's not.
You probably mad and felt like the most miserable person yesterday
You can be the most optimistic person tomorrow
Everyone has those good and bad days, it's a circle of life
One day you can be so wise and positive about everything
The other day, all you see is darkness and you feel like dying
It's normal. It's human.
But today, I just feel calm and relax
Today, I feel loved and I love you
The simple thing can erase the storm I see inside
Thanks to you
Maybe... Just maybe... I do need professional help. I mean, when I get angry, sad, or feeling anxious, I'd harm myself by hitting the walls with my fist, or hit my face because I realized that the more I feel pain in my body, the less heartache I feel inside.
That isn't healthy, is it?
I don't harm myself often, but it's getting a bit more often than it used to be nowadays. I don't know if it's because I'm getting more and more insecure or because my problem is getting bigger, or maybe it's just me getting weaker.
I can't talk to anyone, even my closest friends. I no longer have people I can truly be honest with. I still cared about my best friends and I swear I will always be there for them, but the problem is, I'm afraid that if they found out my problem or the way I handle my stress, they'd freaked out.
So, it's only me and myself and my Teddy Bear and you, blog. Haha, I can't even tell you what really happens, all I can tell is I'm having trouble with myself and I don't know how to deal with it. I think I'm going mad. My insomnia is getting worse, my mind won't shut at night and I'm having flashbacks of the most terrible things every night now.
Maybe I should really stay away from everything for now.
Well, I have a best friend in High school named Dhanti. We were close, but we had to go separate ways. She went to Semarang because she got accepted to Universitas Diponegoro and I stayed in Jakarta. Since then, we rarely met each other. Even in a year, we would only meet once or twice, but it only lasted until my 4th or 5th semester. We became really busy. Let's say that we've got new companionship with new people, we've got new activities, we couldn't really find time to meet up anymore. But we still refer to each other as best friends until now.
Today, I found out that three weeks ago, her boyfriend had passed away, and I just found out now. I didn't even know she had a boyfriend. I think the distance has separated us even further than I thought and none of us made enough efforts to call each other. A small conversation on Twitter doesn't count as a real conversation in my opinion.
Today, I'm crying for the fact that I wasn't there with her at her hardest moment. Losing a boyfriend, someone who is dear to you, and it's not a breakup, you're literally losing him, forever, because he's gone, he passed away. I can imagine how hurtful it must be for her. It's like losing one of your important family members. And I just found out now, I feel like the dumbest person in the universe. I should have made more efforts to keep in touch with her. I feel like the worst friend ever. I don't think I've deserved the name called "friend".
But as much as I regretted it, it has passed. Lesson's learned: I still love her as my best friend and I always will, I shouldn't make the distance as an excuse to stop communicating with people, especially to those who are very special to me. I should have never left them behind. And I promise I'll fix this, I'll cherish her and everyone who is special to me more than ever.
They said you shouldn't depend your happiness on other people, but I think our happiness, no matter what, is put in other people's happiness too, in a good way. I mean, I get really sad when my precious people are sad, but when I see them happy, I become happy too. This does not mean to our closest people only, but when you do something to help others, somewhere in your heart will be filled with joy. So, why don't we try to do that, start from our closest people?
We can't reverse the time, but we can create a better future, starting from now.
Ever since I lost my cell phone, I lost contact with a lot of people including those whom I refer to as my good friends. It makes me think, do I need to have a Smartphone so people will keep in touch with me? Will they ever make an effort to contact me through something else other than a cellphone? I am no longer using BBM / Whatsapp and or such social media applications because I haven't had a chance to buy a new phone yet. These days, people are so dependent on technology and especially the internet and social media.
Well, if you really think that someone's existence is important, you will always find a way to stay in touch with them. Although only a few people make an effort to contact me, I swear they are more than enough. I swear I'll treat them 2 times better than they already did to me. You gave me one love, I'll return to you a hundred of love and affections. Simply because I don't always have a good friend, so when I found one, I'll cherish them with all my heart~
Today is the day that I think I need to cherish. No, there is no big thing that happened. In fact, I spent today all by myself but in a quite odd way.
I went to this certain place where there's one tree filled with unknown fruits. Dad said he had to pick those fruits for his friend. It's amazing how Dad is willing to do that much for the sake of his friend. I mean, the tree is quite high and I didn't even know that the fruits are existed and can be eaten, lol. The thing he always teaches me is real action. Do something real to make other people happy no matter how small it is, like picking some fruits for them or visit his place no matter how far it is. Friendship and relationship aren't about telling good words only.
So, after this very awesome quality talk with Dad, he asked me if I want to go somewhere; I said I need a place to be alone, maybe I need to go to college so I can enjoy some quality time in the choir room. He said okay, and he dropped me there. He didn't ask or force me to go home with him. Seems like he understands that her daughter needs the time on her own. So, I went to the choir room and there was nobody in it, unlike usual. Well, it's normal. It's Sunday, people are supposed to be home or somewhere else, not college, lol.
I've already prepared with laptop, headset, and jacket. I spent the rest of the day in the choir room alone, all by myself, watching a movie, karaoke, write some personal stuff, and time flies before my eyes. The night came and I know I shouldn't stay any longer (it was quite scary actually, lol), but since I still didn't feel like going home, I decided to take a little detour with TransJakarta. It was refreshing, I don't know where I went, but I enjoyed watching the scenery along the road while my mind went anywhere. Surprisingly, I didn't feel lonely or sad. I just felt calm and at peace. Before I realize it, it's already 9 pm, so I decided to go home.
This long detour and my alone time really made me think a lot and talk a lot to Him too. I came to many realizations about my life, and suddenly I got this positive energy to get everything done perfectly. Maybe, every person needs to be alone sometimes, not because they're lonely, but because they need to reset feelings and hang out with themselves, lol.
The most painful thing is knowing that you're not worth it anymore.
The most painful thing is being erased from someone's life.
The most painful thing is keeping all the pains alone.
The most painful thing is losing your precious people.
Then, you don't know how to move on with your life. Life goes on. Your activity continues. You're still walking towards the future, but your heart stuck in the same place for uncertain time.
Terkadang, kita terdorong untuk mengambil keputusan dalam kondisi hati terburuk kita. Padahal, kita hanya perlu menunggu untuk lebih tenang untuk kembali ke kondisi yang baik dan mengambil keputusan yang lebih bijaksana
Terkadang, kita merasa tidak diterima di suatu tempat Padahal kita hanya lupa beradaptasi kembali.
Terkadang, kita lupa dengan suatu kenyaman akan kebersamaan karena sebuah absen yang panjang. Padahal, persahabatan sejati tak terkikis oleh jarak ataupun waktu.
Terkadang, kita menilai teman kita sendiri adalah manusia terburuk di dunia hanya karena sebuah kesalahan sederhana.
Padahal, kita tau ia telah melakukan ribuan kebaikan lainnya, tapi terfokus pada keburukannya.
Terkadang, kita terlalu takut untuk memulai kembali karena merasa terintimidasi oleh rasa tidak percaya diri. Padahal, belum tentu orang-orang peduli dengan apa yang kita lakukan.
Pada kenyataannya, semua kenegatifan yang kita rasakan mengelilingi diri kita asal muasalnya ya dari diri kita sendiri. Terkadang kita membiarkan diri terlalu larut di dalamnya hingga merasa terbuai dan menikmati rasa sakit hati dan kesendirian itu, kemudian menyalahkan dunia atas penderitaan yang kita ciptakan sendiri. Padahal kita hanya lupa untuk melihat ke sisi yang lain dan membuka hati kita terhadap berbagai hal. Kita manusia biasa, satu-satunya senjata terhebat kita adalah doa; kita harus selalu memohon pertolongan agar senantiasa diingatkan oleh-Nya ketika kita lalai dan hati kita mulai lemah.
Mungkin kita membutuhkan orang lain untuk menjadi pengingat kita sebagai perantara pertolongan dari Yang Maha Kuasa. Yang bisa kita minta dari Allah bukan hanya rejeki, tetapi juga perlindungan hati dari berbagai kenegatifan. Bukan hanya materi, tapi jiwa yang senantiasa dilindungi dan dibangkitkan ketika terjatuh. Melebihi apapun di dunia, jiwa yang tenang dan kesadaran untuk selalu mengevaluasi diri adalah hal terbaik yang bisa dimiliki manusia. Semoga Allah senantiasa mengingatkan kita semua, karena tanpa-Nya, kita timpang dan hilang arah. Semoga Allah senantiasa memberikan petunjuk dan mengembalikan diri ke jalan yang lurus dan membantu bangkit ketika ia mulai lelah dan menyerah.
I keep blaming the bullying that I got when I was kid as the reason of me become such a mellow person. I think the truth is I'm just too afraid to open up and make peace with my life. I feel insecure and weak, yet I don't want to show it to everyone. People hate you when you're weak, so you have to be strong or at least pretend to be strong until you forget that you're pretending. Well, I really am trying to be strong, but sometimes it's too exhausting to be strong. Sometimes you just need a place to rest your mind and heart, but even just a media to write down your feeling will be a place for people to judge you. I don't know, but for some people, insecurity, no matter how small, is just a waste of time.
Do I even have to apologize for being a human? For having feelings? For being tired sometimes? It's kinda hurtful when someone you expect would accept you the way you are, do the opposite. And that's why we should never expect anything from a human.
Lesson's learned! :") We can't please other people and we don't live in this life to follow what others want us to do. We have the right to decide it ourselves. The most important thing is to be someone that we feel most comfortable, without forgetting the value of being a human.
When the night comes, the loneliness that used to be a friend has now become an enemy who put me in danger. The night brings memories. Memories are meant to be kept in our hearts, they said? But what if the memories can only cause a painful wound? We tried so hard to forget them, but deep inside, we know that those things are impossible to be forgotten. Deep down, we know, those memories are the most precious things we want to cherish because that's the only thing we could have, no matter how much they hurt us, we refused to forget. Because we know, memories are the only things that are left for us to hold. Memories make us laugh because of the good things that happened, at the same time they make us cry because we can never go back to those good old days. And we questioned ourselves, will they ever come back to us? The precious things that we lost? Or are they gone forever?
The future is uncertain, we can't figure out the answer now. Too afraid to put our hopes up, but deep down we know that we will never stop to pray and wish. The universe, please hear me. And if you can't grant my wish, please make me stronger.
Memories. We know that memories can be our weakness, but at the same time, those good things that we once had are the things that make us stronger.
I can say that I'm a hardcore lover. When I love someone or something, I tend to do something crazy. Love in here does not only meant for your significant other but for something else too like love for parents, people, friends, organization.... etc.
❤ I went to a distant island to see my crush when I was 18. My biggest goal was, of course, only to see him. The all-time quote "I will go to the other part of the world only for you..." is actually something I will do.
❤ I stayed in a room only to make sure that he's okay when a teacher made fun of him and embarrassed him in front of many students. I stayed only to make sure he's okay, and to make sure he's not alone, although I had to stay for hours...
❤ I bought a lot of cakes only to make sure that he would have a wonderful, precious birthday.
❤ I almost broke my feet when my dad got a severe stomachache and seemed dying. I was so afraid that I ran out of my room to find a doctor in the middle of the night, and ended up fell on the stairs and broke my feet. The fear of losing my father scared the hell of me to the point that I would sacrifice anything just to save him.
❤ I spent hours in a place where I feel I belong, although I know sometimes I spent too much time in it, time flies as if I only spent an hour. Maybe because my happiness is in that place that I don't feel like wasting any of my time.
I sometimes overdo it, I feel the need to express love by doing something real because I couldn't say love so easily. Heck! I can never say that magic word, but my body automatically does something to express it, sometimes it feels like I couldn't control it. I don't know why or how? Anyone could show me the way to control feelings? I'm afraid with my own overflowing emotion, drives me crazy sometimes to the point that I can almost hurt myself. My friend said... put only 50% of your feeling to someone you like so you won't get hurt too much... but hey, do I have the strength to control it? No matter what my brain said, my heart just doesn't follow the order. It has its own will and I have no power to control it. The only thing I can do is only trying to make myself as busy as possible to make me forget it little by little. But, magically, when I'm back with myself all alone again... BAM! Those feelings are coming back to me as if they never leave.
This drama revolves around a high school student named Hajime Kindaichi (Ryosuke Yamada). A grandson of a famous detective, Kousuke Kindaichi. Hajime has an IQ of 180, but instead of using it to study, he uses his intelligence to analyze the size of a woman's boobs (he's a pervert indeed, but in a comedy way lol) and doing silly stuff. Hajime's ability in reading kanji is also very poor that he often misunderstands the true meaning of the words. Hajime always lives so carefreely, but behind his foolishness, Hajime able to solve various difficult cases, just like his grandfather. That's why he has a good relationship with Kenmochi Isamu, the police detective, and often helps him solve difficult cases that seemed impossible. Along with his childhood friend, Miyuki Nanase (Haruna Kawaguchi), and his kouhai (junior) Saki Ryuji (Daiki Arioka), Hajime tried to uncover the truth behind many mysteries and murders which happened around him.
Takato never knew his true father and been abandoned since he was a kid. Hajime somehow believes that Takato has human emotion too behind his evilness, and after some incidents between them, Hajime promised that someday he would find Takato's father.
1. Ryosuke's many faces
3. The cases were based on its original manga
Hiroki totally makes a good portrayal as the sadistic and evil Takato, but at the same time, he can steal your heart with his brilliant acting and charisma. The intense look and coldness around him made you scared but you also want to love him in episode 9 when he saved his sister. Hiroki made Takato's character which was scary in the manga becomes more likable.
