Agony

It took exactly 4 years for me to completely move on from one of the most heartbroken events in my life. Life goes on, of course. I will continue doing what I have to do, but my feeling is stuck in yesterday and I don't have enough strength to let go. I prayed for strength, I cried for emptiness, the only thing I can do is enjoying my solitude and sadness at night. I don't want to lose a good friend. Is it okay for you to lose me? Now, my brain seems to be smarter than it used to be. It remembers every little detail of the moments we spent together. Every place and thing seems to have a trace of our journey, and I always have a little broken heart every time. I knew it might not be the right time and I will eventually forget, but for now, being forced to pretend as if nothing ever happened feels like stabbing my heart with a sharp knife over and over again. I have to bear its wound, and I have to bear it alone.