Limit

I felt my feet and my heart trembling at such unexpected moments these days. I don't know how or why. Deep down, I know I shouldn't think too much about this matter. I know I have lots of works to do and I know I must be responsible for every task that's given to me. I know my heart is not in it anymore. I know people won't understand and I should never ask for their understanding. I know it very well.

I just really wish I could take a break, especially from that one activity that requires me to come all the way from my home. Not that I don't enjoy it anymore... but now, it's getting harder for me to like it the way I used to. The people, the feeling, the emotion, I keep pretending. It's easy for them to keep saying that we must do our best, but what can you do when your good isn't good enough? What can you do when you have lower emotional strength compared to others?

You know you can force yourself to be strong, but if you have some emotional issue like me, maybe what you can do is pretending, or pushing yourself to the limit. You have this fear that you don't want to disappoint anyone yet you know you can't do this anymore. Your fear and your insecurity are getting bigger and you don't know how to handle it. I just need a break, 'cause I can't take the saying, "if everyone else can do that, why can't you?" HECK! We're different people with different strengths and problems. All I need is a little time to fix myself yet I can't get that.

Life sucks so far and I have to pretend like it's not.