Monday, January 18, 2016

Jangan Ganggu!

Gue tahu kalau hidup ini bukan sekadar kesedihan. Pasti akan ada arus yang membawa kita berputar mengalami jatuh dan bangun. Lalu, bagaimana bisa diri ini terperangkap begitu lama dalam suramnya kesendirian? Padahal ia dikelilingi orang-orang. Gue nggak tahu, apa yang gue cari? Apakah sekeliling itu nyata adanya? Ataukah hanya fana, sehingga meski dekat, tak bisa gue benar-benar merasakannya?

Lalu, orang-orang yang bahagia, bisakah mereka terus berbahagia saja tanpa harus mengomentari kesedihan orang lain? Jika kalian bahagia, baguslah, nikmatilah, tak perlu menyakiti orang lain yang kalian rasa menyedihkan dengan kata-kata kalian. Jika tak berniat menenangkan, maka menjauhlah, tinggalkanlah, biarkan terpuruk sendirian.

Gue pun berusaha. Gue pun mencari. Gue pun bertahan. Gue pun juga ingin meraih kebahagiaan itu. Maka meski gue berbeda, tak perlulah kalian ikut campur, apalagi mengganggu hanya karena sekedar ingin tahu. Gue akan menemukan kebahagiaan, sekarang atau nanti, gue pasti temukan. Meski sekarang mungkin masih jauh, dan gue masih sendirian. Itu lebih baik. Meski gue masih terperangkap dalam kesedihan sendiri, gue akan belajar untuk lebih kuat. Pada akhirnya kita semua akan bahagia.

Tapi, kesedihan juga bukanlah bencana, apalagi kesalahan yang harus ditutupi. Maka biarkan ia mengalir. Dan semoga kesedihan itu akan menjaga gue agar tidak meninggi hati, apalagi merasa lebih baik dari siapapun. Kesedihan itu akan menjadi pintu kebahagiaan, untuk menyadari betapa berharganya ia ketika ia datang nanti.

Thursday, January 7, 2016

Misleaded

Maybe I fell in love with you for longer than I thought
Maybe behind that laughter and togetherness, I secretly wish that you felt the same
Maybe I thought that you were just waiting for the right moment
Maybe I saw this friendship as something much deeper than what it really is
Maybe I thought that we had a future together

You were the first person who acknowledged me and needed me by your side
You were the first person who chooses to call me when you were sad
You were the first person who told me that my existence calms you down
You were the first person who made me believe that I'm good enough
You were the first person that showed me your weaknesses

And I didn't realize that I might have fallen for you for a long time
And maybe that's why it hurts so much to find out the truth
And maybe that's why I got disappointed 'though I probably already knew the truth
Maybe because I finally realized that I.... was in love with you

Now I know that all the calls you made were not for me but for someone else
Now I know that you needed me by your side only so you can have someone else

Now I know that I was just a shield you needed for you and someone else
Now I know that I was meaningless

I wish I didn't know
I wish I didn't find out the truth
I wish I didn't care too much
I wish I didn't meet you
I wish I didn't fall in love with you